Sunday, February 10, 2013

Getting to Know You

This photo could be labeled "getting to know you."

My husband and I were out walking yesterday when we came upon this herd of deer near our home.  The photo does not capture the intense look on the face of the lead buck as he stared into Boston's eyes.  Boston also stood and stared at the buck.  Their eyes were locked.

I sized up the size of the herd and was surprised to see that there were five bucks, and, if I can count correctly, five doe.  Seeing deer is a common occurrence around here, but it is uncommon to see so many bucks in one place with so few doe.  Since we had just seen two bucks, their antlers locked, fighting in the meadow across from where this photo was taken days before, I was a bit leery of proceeding any further on this particular path.  We've been warned to be cautious when the bucks are rutting.  They have been known to charge dogs if they sense the dog may come between them and the doe.

Boston never barks at the deer.  He is always interested in them, but he respects boundaries.  On the day this photo was taken, when we called to him, he turned and followed us in the other direction away from the deer without making any protest.

Today, Boston was on the back deck, unable to access the yard because of a gate on the deck, when we saw a lone doe just inches from the deck gazing at Boston.  Again, the two animals, dog and deer, had their eyes locked on each other.  Not a sound was made from the dog.  When we headed toward the door to try and catch a picture, the doe turned and ran away.

I think during these wildlife encounters, the animals are sizing each other up.

I feel that same way at times.

One of the hardest parts of moving is getting to know new territory when it comes to sizing up, and getting to know the professionals who care for us.  I am finding the task of finding service providers overwhelming.

I must find the following:

  • a new hair stylist.  Now that is a hard one.  I am so picky about my hair.  I've not found a good hair dresser yet.  My family says I never find one I like.  There is some truth to that.  I joke that it is easier to replace a husband than a hair stylist.  
  • a manicurist.  I miss my dear Kerri so much.  How will I ever replace her?  She didn't just give me excellent pedicures and manicures, she was my 'therapist' and good friend.  You don't just find a package deal of a good friend and a manicurist that often.  Such relationships are rare gifts.
  • a doctor.  That is a really hard task.  I've been blessed with many great specialists, but one must also have a great internist.  I'm finding that finding one that I trust and feel comfortable with is a task that also seems overwhelming.  I'll keep searching until I find one who will talk and listen to me while also talking with the specialists that I currently see.  As my doctor at National Jewish told me last month, "You need to have your doctors talking to each other."  Again, it is hard to find an internist that will talk to the cardiologist, the GI specialist, the respiratory doctor, and the endocrinologist.    
  • a chiropractor.  I don't go to the chiropractor often, but when I need one, I need one pronto.  I must begin my search before I am in pain and don't know where to go.
  • a massage therapist.  There have been times in my life in the past few years when I have gotten a massage every week or every two weeks.  I never go more than a month without a massage if I can help it.  That being said, I haven't had a massage since the beginning of October.  No wonder my neck and shoulders hurt!  I need a massage.  I don't know where to go.  There are massage therapists all over the place, but I had the best one in Pueblo, and I want another one just like her.  I miss you Kate!  You were the best.  Plus, I'm sure I will be paying a lot more for a massage here than I did in Pueblo.  
  • a therapist.  Since the death of my daughter, I had the good fortune to work with an excellent therapist.  I was so fortunate to find just the right fit the first time I met with this caring, wise woman who has helped me so much in my journey.  Finding a new therapist is not going to be easy.  I truly don't know where to start.  
At times when I meet with a new doctor, or a new therapist, I feel like I am just like Boston staring at the buck in the photo above.  I'm just not sure we can be compatible.  I find myself sizing up each professional.  I find myself wondering if we can form a professional relationship that I will trust.  I wonder if I am approaching this task with too many expectations.  I guess I also just want the easy flow of my life to return.  I always knew where I would go when I needed one of the services mentioned above.  I know I am fortunate to even have the services I mentioned.  I feel spoiled and pampered to even admit that I miss my massage therapist and my manicurist.  I guess I can forgo having a massage and a manicure while I keep searching, but I do need to find a doctor and a therapist.  Wish me well in my search.  Do you have any advice in finding just the right doctor or just the right therapist?


Arkansas Patti said...

That is a daunting list of "to finds". I have moved a lot in my life and what I usually do after I join a few clubs in order to make new friends is to pick their brains about who is the best doctor and such. Just like when I buy a book on Kindle, I don't rely on one review. I get several. If you can befriend a nurse, they are invaluable in the search for medical professionals.
I have also approached a perfect stranger with a great hair cut, compliment her and ask who did it.
Love the deer shot. Do you think deer are taking up monogamy?:)) Do be careful, they can be dangerous to humans also when in rut.

thisisme said...

Hi Sally. I love the photos and the story of Boston and the deer just eyeballing each other like that. He is a very obedient dog, to just turn away and follow you like that. As you were used to having regular massages, your body must be missing them, as October is a long time ago! I used to be a massage therapist, using the aromatherapy oils, and it always surprised me when people just seemed to open their souls to me. It's all about empathy, isn't it? I do hope you find someone that you can relate to very soon. The only thing I can suggest for Doctors is do you have any friends in your new area that you could ask - perhaps they could recommend someone good for you. Haiordressing is another thing again - I've had the same hairdresser for 15 years or so, and I wouldn't want to have to look for someone different. I'm sure it will all come right in the end my friend.

DJan said...

After we moved here, I tried out six different massage therapists before settling on the final one a few years back, and now she is pregnant and will be taking a break, leaving me to search again. It's hard, but I know that I am much healthier when I get a regular massage.

Now that I am in a clinic, I have a young doctor who is just right, after having tried another clinic earlier and being dissatisfied with the doctor. It's a process.

I think word of mouth is the best way to proceed. Ask your friends and family for recommendations, which might lead you to just the right one. At least you can start the process of elimination! :-)

Lynilu said...

Ask around. find out who likes their doctor, and ask why. If you asked me, I'd say I picked him because his specialities are family practice, geriatrics and palliative medicine, he listens, I never feel rushed, he is open to alternative approaches (herbal, homeopathics, energetics healing, etc.). I could go on, but you get the idea. Ask about your major medical concerns/conditions to be sure he/she works with that. One I went to didn't want to work with me on diverticulitis; I didn't like him anyway.

You can do that re: therapist, too, but some people aren't comfortable admitting they see a therapist. You can call office near you and explain your situation as ask if they work with adult grief. If you're talking to a receptionist, listen carefully, though, as some of them really don't know what goes on! Not all therapists deal with grief on a regular basis, but (and I can say this as an insider) many think they can do anything in the mental health spectrum.

With both docs and therapists, ask for a meeting before you have a crisis. Most will grant a "meet & greet" so you can ask about methods, get a sense of attitude, etc. I'll be honest .... if they don't grant that, I'd be wary. And most I know don't charge for this, unless it runs into a big chunk of their time. 15-30 minutes is reasonable.

Hope that is helpful. And good luck. It's not easy finding your new "support team" after a move. It took me 3-4 years to find mine here!

rosaria williams said...

Ask your old doctor(s) if they can recommend people in your area! Talk to people at church, library, coffee shops. If you see someone with a great hair cut, ask about her stylist. In no time, you'll be set with new providers you'll love as much as the old ones.

(Stay positive about the change; changing takes a toll on your energies!)

dkzody said...

This is the reason I doubt we will ever make a permanent move until our doctor retires. She is excellent and it will be hard to replace her.

As for hair stylist, find someone whose hair you really like and ask who does it. That's the way I find a good one.

The other professionals you mention are not ones I use so I have no suggestions. However, I bet the hairstylist could suggest a good manicurist.

dkzody said...

In another thought, I guess my needs would be: a good dry cleaner, hair colorist, church, car mechanic, and dentist.

Olga said...

That is one of the daunting things about the idea of moving--having to find all those new people. Good luck.

A Quiet Corner said...

Your dog is amazing to come two bark at deer all the time! As for relocating and finding the services that we need, I know what you mean. We moved back to CT and have had to go through similar, nails for we women is important...for hubby, it was easy...a and dentist were hard too since many we're not taking new patients. Nice to meet you!...JP

LC said...

You have had some great suggestions. In my younger days I asked a beloved ob-gyn doc who had cared for me through a rough patch for a recommendation prior to our move from the north part of our state to the Gulf Coast.

He recommended a former classmate from med school days. The new doc was an arrogant jerk. More recently, more than four decades later, I asked my internist for a recommendation for a specialist I needed. That one turned out great.

Lyn's suggestions seemed especially on target. My recent experience with hospice would send me to a respected hospice group for a recommendation for a therapist especially good in grief therapy.

Will be praying for rewarding connections in your search.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

I have no advice, but lots of sympathy about your having to go through the process. When I needed to find a new cardiologist I learned to ask questions of the nurse on the phone so they wouldn't just schedule me for the doc with the emptiest schedule. On the other hand, the great one was booked months and months in advance. Patience!

Barb said...

I also think a hospice group would be able to recommend a therapist versed in grief counseling. I have found great hair stylists by asking people who I don't even know who does their hair. Usually, people are flattered and go out of their way to write down the name and number! A DR and Chiropractor are harder, I think. I went through several DRs until I found an Integrative Medicine DR in Denver who I think is a good listener and has a philosophy of healing similar to mine. I'm still dealing with allergy issues (6 weeks and counting) and recently was given the name of a Chiropractor in Vail who people say is a wizard at discovering sensitivities. I've gone once and already feel somewhat better. (This is after seeing 3 specialists in Denver with no results!) Good Luck!

Betsy Adams said...

Hi Sally, That is neat that Boston doesn't bark at the deer. So many dogs around here bark constantly --and scare the deer away... Great herd... amazing how many bucks there are.

Finding good doctors, etc. is one of the hardest things about moving. I'm sure--with lots of patience--that you will find the right choices for you. Good Luck.


Linda Reeder said...

Most of these are services I haaven't used. I've never had a massage or a manicure.
My doctor is chosen for my through our Group Health Cooperative, but all the specialists are too, and all records are accessed through computer files. They can talk to each other electronically.
As I progress through my latest campaign to find answers to my arthritis problems, I find it is my gentle pushing that makes the difference, no matter who I see.
Good luck in finding your new service providers.

Kay said...

That was the hard thing about moving back to Hawaii. Finding medical personnel we might like... everything was starting over. Luckily we had people we could ask for advice, but we still had some bum tries at first.

We occasionally saw deer around our neighborhood in Illinois, but I don't ever remember seeing bucks with antlers. That is just so cool. How amazing that Boston is so calm. He must be well trained.

Thecurateswife said...

I've just found your blog and what a beautiful photo on your blog cover!
I am just in the process of moving and have a very similar list of requirements to you - I shall keep an eye on the advice you receive - I hate finding new doctors, dentists, hairdressers.....!

Linda Myers said...

Check out Massage Envy. There are three in Colorado Springs. I found the closest one here in Tucson and by the second visit had found the therapist I now see every week.

We go to Massage Envy in Seattle when we're home. I did the same thing. Each clinic has multiple therapists so you're likely to find one that's just right for you.

Cape Cod Kitty said...

Very interesting, Sally, and a process I went through when I moved out to Chatham 13 years ago. I began by asking word of mouth, and found a massage therapist, and fortunately through her, I have found all the others. A nice network that continues to work well, and has developed more as it's gone along. I now have a wonderful acupuncturist and meditation teacher. Good luck and it will be interesting to hear how it works out for you.

troutbirder said...

Moving can be tough that for sure. We built our new house in our woods next to the old one. That was easy!

Joyce said...

That is a fantastic photo!!

Linda said...

Hi Sally,

I love the photo and the title you gave it! Happy Valentine's Day.

Heidrun Khokhar, KleinsteMotte said...

I can totally understand that frustration. But as you point out, you are well loved and that is very fortunate.
The others are part of pampering but the doc is a must. Guess that needs to sorted first. Word of mouth has helped so listening to some of your new neighbours may work.

Dee said...

Dear Sally, when I moved from Minnesota to Missouri nearly four years ago, my list differed a little from yours but basically both lists represent the words you used in your last paragraph--that you, and I also, miss the easy flow of the life we knew.

Finding that flow here has taken me nearly four years and it's not all in place yet.

But one thing I might suggest with regard to the therapist is that you consider talking to the same person you had before only do this on the phone or by skyping. That's what I've done for these four years and it works well.

Of course, the therapist and you must both feel comfortable with your sharing this way. But for me it's been wonderful because for that fifty minutes I feel truly at ease with someone. I hope this helps. Peace.

Jeanie said...

Oh, Sally, I love that photo and hearing of Boston's adventures with the deer! I suspect they are indeed sizing one another up, determining there is no need for alarm!

Good luck with finding your service folks and docs. Apart from references from others who use and love theirs, I'm not sure I can offer good advice. But you are right that it is important to get the good fit.

Hope all is well.