Reading

Reading is my favorite pastime.  I'm always reading something.  Lately, my mind has been a jumbled mess.  I find it hard to write.  I find it hard to journal.  I find it nearly impossible to compose a blog post.  Despite the jumbled mess of my mind, I have been reading.  Perhaps, I have not read as closely as I usually do, but I am reading.

I have a friend who always asks, "What are you reading?" I even have a doctor who always asks the same thing.  My doctor at National Jewish Hospital has been my doctor for seventeen years.  This woman has been one of the great mainstays of my life.  She believed in me when I went through one of the most difficult experiences of my life the year she became my doctor in 1996.  (That is another story for another day.)  We see each other once a year when I have my yearly check-up.  We converse like old friends, and she always asked what I am reading.  My internist in Pueblo was always interested in what I was reading also.  I've even dropped off a book for her to read when I finished it.  We discussed it on my next visit.

I'm always on the search for a new book.  I so enjoyed reading my dear blogging friend's post today.  DJan wrote, as usual, an inspirational Sunday morning post entitled Contemplation today.  In the post, she gave a short review of a book she just finished.  I purchased it for my Kindle before I even finished reading her post.

This most recent purchase for my Kindle means I have six titles to read.  Actually, since I am currently reading Doris Kearns Goodwin's No Ordinary Time - Franklin & Eleanor Roosevelt: The Home Front In World War II,   that means I have seven books to read.  The lament, too many books, so little time, comes to mind.  We once used to say we had books stacked on our bedside table to read.  With the Kindle, that no longer applies.  Here is a list of what I have recently added to my books to be read:

• A Place to Stand by Jimmy Santiago Baca  - I bought this book when I recently attended a literacy conference in Denver.  I love reading Jimmy Santiago Baca's poetry and taught many of his poems when I was teaching high school English.  This book is Baca's biography.  I can't wait to read it.  I think it will be stunning.  It will most likely remind me of so many students that I taught: the ones who had so much writing talent, who would most likely never finish high school, and who lived lives filled with alcohol abuse, legal problems, and poverty.  If I were still teaching, we would be reading this book in class.  Maybe, I will read this before I read any more about the Roosevelt years.  
• More Than You Know by Penny Vincenzi - I picked this book up as Costco on a day when I was browsing the books knowing I was about to finish the book I was currently reading.  I was desperate to have another book to read, so I picked up one by Penny Vincenzi.  Now, the truth is out.  I love to read Vincenzi.  Her novels are always engaging.  They provide me with escape reading.  Maybe I will start reading that tonight and put Franklin and Eleanor on hold for a while.  I need some escape reading.  
• War Brides by Helen Bryan - I downloaded this to my Kindle yesterday.  It was recommended on the Amazon site, and since it only cost $.99, and since it was about World War II, my current reading topic, and since the reviews sounded interesting, I thought I would add it to my books to read.  I think I will read this after I finish reading about WWII in the U.S.
• On Gold Mountain by Lisa See - This was definitely an impulse buy.  I purchased it on my Kindle when I saw the review after downloading War Brides.  It only cost me $7.19, so I could have spent more on a book.  I do love to read immigrant stories.  I especially like to read about the Asian immigrant experience.  I've read other books by Lisa See.  Some I have really enjoyed reading, others, not so much.  I'm sure this book is at the bottom of my reading list. 
• Call the Midwife - A Memoir of Birth, Joy, and Hard Times - by Jennifer Worth.  This book was the book recommended on DJan's blog today.  I have watched the series based on this book on television and loved it.  Since, I am reading about this period of time already, I think this book will be read after I read War Brides.  That seems like the logical progression.  Love and marriage should always proceed calling the midwife.  ;)
• Beyond Belief: My Secret Life in Scientology and My Harrowing Escape  by Jenna Misgavige, Lisa Pulitzer, and Sandy Rustin - I haven't purchased this book yet.  I am trying to show some restraint.  I have more than enough to read right now.  My daughter just finished this and said she could not put it down.  I also love reading books about those whose lives have been derailed by cults and religious organizations.  I'm sure I will enjoy reading this book.  It is currently on the best seller list for non-fiction.

Even though I am somewhat conflicted over what book to pick up and read right now, my discipline pattern in reading will mean I will most likely keep reading No Ordinary Time.  The book is over six hundred pages long.  I won't be finishing it any time soon.  I am really enjoying it and am approaching the reading of it in a more scholarly way.  I have my pen in hand when I read so I can underline and annotate.  I am learning a great deal about the times just before I was born.  I've read other biographies about Eleanor Roosevelt as she is one of my favorite people from history, but I am especially enjoying this book because the scope is so large.  

Doris Kearns Goodwin write so masterfully.  Her research is meticulous.  Despite the size of the book and the topic, it is a book that holds my interest.  I've used the information in the book to ask my mother questions about the times and about my own family history from that time.  No wonder Goodwin won the Pulitzer with this book.  It truly lives up to all of its positive reviews.  

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If you are interested in seeing what I am reading, I am on Goodreads.  Follow me by going to this link: my Goodreads profile page.  

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I won't get much reading done today.  I'm off to watch the 2013 Oscars.  I will miss watching this with my daughters.  Amy and I always love this tradition.  She reminded me of the days when we would gather at my sister Carol's house where all of us, my sister and her two daughters, and me with Amy and Julie, would pile onto my sister's king size bed to watch the Oscars together.  She will be watching the show with her daughter tonight.  We will be texting.  I better go see what everyone is wearing as they walk down the red carpet.  

Family

I spoke with #1Son  on the phone yesterday.  After we had hung up, I thought a great deal about what he had to say.  He spoke about family and about the importance of family.  He recounted the story of a movie that he and his significant other had seen at the Park City Film Festival about the strength of a family that came together after a tragedy hit one of the family members.  He spoke of how he wants to make sure he gives that kind of family experience to his own children.

Later in the day, as I sat down to write in my journal, I realized that exactly 47 years ago I had first met the man who would become the father of my children.  My children's father and I officially met when he was transferred into the same department where I was working at the IRS Service Center in Ogden, Utah.  We both had started our jobs on the same day just two days prior to the day we officially met.  In fact, we both were hired at the same time because we both scored the exact same score on the civil service exam.  Our supervisor told us that we had tied for the highest score on the exam.  This meant that we both had to be placed before the others who had taken the exam could be placed in the jobs that were available.  

On that day when we first met, he walked me to the parking lot after work.  I was dazzled by his smile and his personality.  We married six months later.  We began our family early.  Our first born arrived just eleven months later.  In time, we would have a total of five children in a span of ten years. Sadly, the marriage ended in divorce after a decade and a half.   

Amy, Keicha, Ryan, Jonathan, Julie
Easter 1978

I never write about the break-up of our marriage in this forum.  I don't intend to start now.  I only want to acknowledge that the divorce was painful for all of us.  Our lives were forever altered.  For me, the divorce also meant that I was determined that my children would still have a strong sense of family. 

Amy, Keicha, Sally, Jonathan, Julie,
Ryan on the back of the couch

Amy, Jonathan, Julie, Keicha, Ryan
This is one of my favorite photos, but I know the girls hate it!

Parents leave legacies.  I have always hoped that the legacy I would leave would be one where my children loved and supported each other and passed on a strong love for family to their children.

It is messy to be a part of a family.  It is not always easy.  In fact, is it ever easy?  I looked up some quotes while I wrote this post.  Some are just priceless.  George Burns said, Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.  I think most of us can relate to that at one time or another.  

Our family, as with so many modern families, has changed due to divorce and remarriage.  I  found this quote by Sarah Dessen so true:   Family isn’t something that’s supposed to be static, or set. People marry in, divorce out. They’re born, they die. It’s always evolving, turning into something else.  

I think of my own in-laws, the paternal grandparents of my children.  I was fortunate to have the most wonderful in-laws ever.  They have always shown love towards me and supported me.  I love them dearly.  To me, they will always be family.

I think of the former spouses of my children, and I think of Julie's boyfriend, I love them like they are my own children.  Marriages don't always work out, but that doesn't mean that one has to stop caring about the well-being of both parties.  Maybe, once one is a part of my family, I just don't let that person go. I realize that the status has changed, but in my mind, we are still family.  We share many memories.  We have a history together.  They can't get rid of me that easily.  

A day at the zoo with
Regan, Gillian, Parker, and Bridger (in stroller)
Julie, Keicha, Jonathan, Amy holding Mason, Ryan and Stephanie

Mostly, I was struck by my son's statement about the way the family in the film pulled together after tragedy.  

Keicha, Jonathan, Julie, Sally, Amy, Ryan
June 2007

This photo was shot on the occasion of my husband's retirement party.  It was one of the rare occasions when I had all five of my children together.  Those occasions are the happiest occasions of my life.  Now, one of the five is gone.  I doubt I will ever adjust to not counting five names to make sure they are all accounted for in my mind when I think of them.  I doubt I will ever stop counting when we are together to keep track of everyone.  I run through the five names and the years of their births in order to figure out how old they are.  I can't do the math unless I recall all of the dates:  1967, 1970, 1974, 1976, and 1978.  (Yes, the 70's were very busy years for me!) 

Families are rare treasures.  They can be fragile.  They can break easily.  They can be fragmented.  I don't think DNA is enough to hold a family together.  I think it takes a lot of love, a lot of forgiveness, and a lot of prayer.  When I lost my sweet Julie, the one with her arm draped around my shoulder just as she always did, I would never have survived without my remaining precious children.  I've learned how true this quote is more than once from my own children:  When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching -- they are your family. ~ Jim Butcher

Someday, I will be gone.  When that day comes, I hope my legacy will be one that speaks of the importance of family.  One of my greatest prayers is that my children will always stand by each other, and by each other's children, and give each other strength, hope, courage, forgiveness, and love.  I hope they will keep on laughing with each other.  We've all have had so many great times together.  We are wild and crazy together.  We love to talk, argue, and laugh.  To me, these traits are what family is all about. It takes a lot of forgiveness along the way to maintain this type love and support because none of us are perfect, but we are family.  

Getting to Know You

This photo could be labeled "getting to know you."

My husband and I were out walking yesterday when we came upon this herd of deer near our home.  The photo does not capture the intense look on the face of the lead buck as he stared into Boston's eyes.  Boston also stood and stared at the buck.  Their eyes were locked.

I sized up the size of the herd and was surprised to see that there were five bucks, and, if I can count correctly, five doe.  Seeing deer is a common occurrence around here, but it is uncommon to see so many bucks in one place with so few doe.  Since we had just seen two bucks, their antlers locked, fighting in the meadow across from where this photo was taken days before, I was a bit leery of proceeding any further on this particular path.  We've been warned to be cautious when the bucks are rutting.  They have been known to charge dogs if they sense the dog may come between them and the doe.

Boston never barks at the deer.  He is always interested in them, but he respects boundaries.  On the day this photo was taken, when we called to him, he turned and followed us in the other direction away from the deer without making any protest.

Today, Boston was on the back deck, unable to access the yard because of a gate on the deck, when we saw a lone doe just inches from the deck gazing at Boston.  Again, the two animals, dog and deer, had their eyes locked on each other.  Not a sound was made from the dog.  When we headed toward the door to try and catch a picture, the doe turned and ran away.

I think during these wildlife encounters, the animals are sizing each other up.

I feel that same way at times.

One of the hardest parts of moving is getting to know new territory when it comes to sizing up, and getting to know the professionals who care for us.  I am finding the task of finding service providers overwhelming.

I must find the following:

• a new hair stylist.  Now that is a hard one.  I am so picky about my hair.  I've not found a good hair dresser yet.  My family says I never find one I like.  There is some truth to that.  I joke that it is easier to replace a husband than a hair stylist.  
• a manicurist.  I miss my dear Kerri so much.  How will I ever replace her?  She didn't just give me excellent pedicures and manicures, she was my 'therapist' and good friend.  You don't just find a package deal of a good friend and a manicurist that often.  Such relationships are rare gifts.
• a doctor.  That is a really hard task.  I've been blessed with many great specialists, but one must also have a great internist.  I'm finding that finding one that I trust and feel comfortable with is a task that also seems overwhelming.  I'll keep searching until I find one who will talk and listen to me while also talking with the specialists that I currently see.  As my doctor at National Jewish told me last month, "You need to have your doctors talking to each other."  Again, it is hard to find an internist that will talk to the cardiologist, the GI specialist, the respiratory doctor, and the endocrinologist.    
• a chiropractor.  I don't go to the chiropractor often, but when I need one, I need one pronto.  I must begin my search before I am in pain and don't know where to go.
• a massage therapist.  There have been times in my life in the past few years when I have gotten a massage every week or every two weeks.  I never go more than a month without a massage if I can help it.  That being said, I haven't had a massage since the beginning of October.  No wonder my neck and shoulders hurt!  I need a massage.  I don't know where to go.  There are massage therapists all over the place, but I had the best one in Pueblo, and I want another one just like her.  I miss you Kate!  You were the best.  Plus, I'm sure I will be paying a lot more for a massage here than I did in Pueblo.  
• a therapist.  Since the death of my daughter, I had the good fortune to work with an excellent therapist.  I was so fortunate to find just the right fit the first time I met with this caring, wise woman who has helped me so much in my journey.  Finding a new therapist is not going to be easy.  I truly don't know where to start.  

At times when I meet with a new doctor, or a new therapist, I feel like I am just like Boston staring at the buck in the photo above.  I'm just not sure we can be compatible.  I find myself sizing up each professional.  I find myself wondering if we can form a professional relationship that I will trust.  I wonder if I am approaching this task with too many expectations.  I guess I also just want the easy flow of my life to return.  I always knew where I would go when I needed one of the services mentioned above.  I know I am fortunate to even have the services I mentioned.  I feel spoiled and pampered to even admit that I miss my massage therapist and my manicurist.  I guess I can forgo having a massage and a manicure while I keep searching, but I do need to find a doctor and a therapist.  Wish me well in my search.  Do you have any advice in finding just the right doctor or just the right therapist?

Last Load Delivered

I wish I could report that we finally are settled in our new home.  There are times when I wonder if that will ever happen.  While the process of moving and settling is definitely not complete, I can report that we did complete last stage of our move.  It only took us four months to complete all the stages that we established to make our move a bit easier on us.  I can congratulate myself on only taking four months to move.  I might have left the things in our storage shed longer, but Jim reminded me that one month's rent on the storage shed would pay for a cleaning lady once a month.  That motivated me.  

Back in September, I wrote in my blog (read it here) that we had completed Stage One and Stage Two in preparation for our big move which was occur in October.  I reported that our first stage required that we "Sort through professional papers, books, notebooks, teaching materials and memorabilia from the classroom and our professions." Once we had completed this task, which took a lot of doing, we then went on to Stage Two:  Move the things we have left from the basement to a storage unit.  

Today, we hired a couple of guys to move all those boxes that has been stored in a storage unit for the past four months to our home.  These two very efficient, energetic guys seemed to move all these boxes from the storage unit, into a truck in no time at all.  They then drove to our new home, unloaded the truck, carried all the boxes to the basement, patiently waited for me to determine which box would remain in the family room and which box would go to our crawl space that we are using as a storage area, and then they moved each box to its appropriate place.  Youth is on their side.  All of this took no time at all.  

Just before the movers arrived, I snapped a photo of the new bookshelves we purchased to hold the books that were stored in the storage unit.  Was I naive when I thought these shelves would hold all the books we kept?  Yes, I think I was.  Either that, or I was forgetful.  I forgot I had all those books in the storage shed when I bought these shelves.  Oops, somehow, I forgot that even though we got rid of nearly 1,000 books all told, we also kept quite a few.  These books were in the storage shed.  I wonder how I forgot that.  Perhaps, it was wishful thinking.  Today, my son asked where we had all these books before the move.  My reply, "Mostly in boxes in the basement."  Before the move, we got rid of old books that were outdated and that we not longer were interested in keeping.  I think we will be culling once again.  

Here is the view of boxes of books as they begin to arrive from storage. 

I really don't think I can fit all the books from the boxes on these shelves.  What do you think?  This is a view of one end of the large family room in the basement.  Jim's desk in one corner of the room.  The bookshelves are by the desk.  

This is another view of  view of the opposite end of the family room.  We have our television in this area.  I am still trying to decide the best use of the space.  I am also trying to put odds and ends in place.  The couch and the old pink chair lived in our living room in the old house.  They have been relegated to the basement in this house.  The couch is still in excellent condition.  I just didn't want it in my living room anymore.  I will get this area decorated at some point, but in the meantime, it is the place where old furniture and odds and ends are being deposited.  The old green footstools do not match anything.  Old, and tattered, I decided to move them and will recover them soon I hope.

 Here is another view of this room.  It is large, very large.  One end is Jim's study.  That is his black recliner on the left of the photo and the bookshelves are on the other side.  I am standing by his desk to take the photo.  

At this angle, I am standing near the television looking toward Jim's desk.  Yesterday, I nearly had all the boxes out of this room.  Now, it is filled again.  

The Stuff I Could Not Throw Away

After reading the above mentioned blog which was posted on September 29, 2012, I was struck by several things.

• I am amazed at how much stuff we have!  I thought we had gotten rid of so much.
• I am looking through the same professional books and papers again!  I thought I had done a good job of getting rid of stuff in September.  I find I still cannot get rid of so many papers.  I have no idea why.  I've decided to save my professional books one more year.  If I haven't used them in one year, I promised myself I will donate them.  
• I am struck by how much emotional attachment I have to things.  Somethings I just can't get rid of.  I found pillow cases embroidered by my grandmother.  They were turning yellow in a plastic container.  I decided the time is now.  Either I need to get rid of such things, or I should use them.  I decided they actually matched the duvet covers in the bedroom that the grandchildren use.  I will wash the pillowcases and put them on the twin beds in this room.  They will add a special touch.
• I am also struck by how important my time in the classroom was to me.  I just can't seem to part with cards from students, memorabilia that the students gave me, lesson plan books, unit designs, rubrics, and curriculum guides still hold a place in my heart.  I know I will never use them again, but I can't throw them away.  Do other retired teachers feel this way?
• Maybe I will have to hire a professional to help me get rid of all these papers.  

Just before we moved, I read a newspaper article about letting go of our 'stuff.'  I cut it out and put it on the refrigerator for reference.  I even saved the article!  I wonder where it is.  I remember that it said to save the stories about treasured items but get rid of the item itself.  I had such good intentions.  In the end, I just could not get rid of some things.  

At first, after I read the article, I decided I would not move the small table and chairs that my children used when they were growing up.  It sat in the kitchen next to the larger kitchen table when they were children.  It was the place where they sometimes ate their breakfast,  lunch, or a snack.  It was where they colored or played games.  When the children were grown, the small table and chairs went to the basement where it stayed until there was a family gathering.  Then, the chairs and table were toted upstairs for the grandchildren to use. 

I love this photo of the table.  Ok, really, I love the photo of Hannah using the table!  I just found it.  I would guess this was taken the day after a family Christmas party.  Hannah is enjoying one of those great cupcakes we used to always have for the kids.  Isn't she adorable?  Can you see why I could not give the table away?  It carries with it too many memories.

The photo below was snapped at a family Easter celebration.  Mason, Gillian, Hannah, and Atticus are all seated around the kids' table.  Julie, dressed in green, is leaning over the kitchen table.  This is just a quick snapshot of a family celebration, but now, at this date in time,  the photo captures a priceless memory of time gone by.  I notice the blanket no longer carried around by one of the grandchildren that is draped on my chair.  I notice Gillian is dressed in my apron and sitting on the pillow from my chair.  I see the cute little parkas the grandchildren wore flung on the hooks by the door.  

Now, the grandkids are grown up and the table is no longer needed.  

Mason and Gillian are teenagers.

They don't care about Easter baskets.

They would not fit in those chairs.

I have the stories.  

I have the photos.  

I kept the table.

It was in the last load delivered from the storage shed.  

It was placed in the crawl space.

I just could not get rid of it.

My Man is Back

My title for this post may need some explaining.  My regular readers may be wondering where my man has been.  In fact, they may wonder where I have been since it has been over two weeks since I last posted.  So, let me fill you in on what has been happening around here.

Jim, my man, sometimes known as my main squeeze, did not actually go anywhere.  He just has not been himself for quite some time.  As some of you might recall, in December of 2011, my husband dodged a major heart attack when it was discovered that he had a 95% blockage of his LAD.  You can read about that health scare here: Nails Dodges the Big One.

After this major life event, my husband was able to bounce back with renewed energy.  He lost weight, ate a more healthy diet, exercised three or more times a week on the elliptical machine, and walked a couple of miles a day.  Just one month after this crisis with my husband's heart, I fell down our basement stairs and suffered a head injury.  This meant he became the caretaker for me.  He took care of all the household tasks and drove me everywhere I needed to go.  More than that, he supported me through a very rough time in my life as I tried to overcome a traumatic head injury, a vestibular disorder, and debilitating anxiety.  At the same time, we had a very challenging new puppy that did not respond well to training.  Nails, another nickname for my dear husband, proved how tough and determined a man he was once again during this difficult time in our lives.  At a time when he should have been recuperating, he took care of me, and trained a difficult pup while recovering from having a stent placed in his heart just a few months before.

Early this summer, just as I was finally getting better, Jim began to experience some health symptoms that were perplexing.  He was extremely tired, his energy level was very low.  He no longer had the energy to work out or walk.   He seemed to be nauseated on a constant basis.  He experienced body aches, and he became nearly unable to walk because of pain in his hip.  Not only that, but he also began to suffer from depression.  I would ask him to describe what he was feeling, and he would say, "I just feel like I have a general malaise."  At first, I feared that his heart was bothering him again, but he did not have any heart related symptoms.  Every afternoon, he and I would each go to our individual studies, sit in our easy chairs, and take long afternoon naps.  His exercise routine stopped.  He suffered a lot of pain in his hip which did not allow him to walk far.

In September, after a summer of seeing my husband's health steadily decline, we decided he needed to be checked out by his cardiologist just to see if we could get some answers to solve the mystery as to why he was suffering from this strange malaise.   It was an observant LPN at the cardiologist office that discovered that the calcium levels in his blood were very high.  We were referred back to  our internist.  She seemed to have an idea about what could be going on with him and sent him to the hospital for additional testing that included scans of his neck.  After all the testing was done, we were told that he had hyperparathyroidism.  My husband was then referred to an ear, nose, and throat specialist.  Thankfully, we knew a great ENT, one we trusted and liked.  He reassured us that surgery would most likely solve his problems.

There is a mnemonic that our endocrinologist gave us to describe the hypercalcaemia that comes about because of hyperparathyroidism.  It goes like this:   Stones, bones, groans, thrones, and psychiatric overtones.  When one has hyperparathyroidism, there is a high level of calcium in the blood that causes these symptoms:

• Stones (renal or biliary)
• Bones (bone pain)
• Groans (abdominal pain, nausea and vomiting)
• Thrones (sit on throne - polyuria)
• Psychiatric overtones (Depression 30-40%, anxiety, cognitive dysfunction, insomnia, coma)* 

*Wikipedia

Needless to say, none of these symptoms are fun.  That is why we wanted to hurry up and have surgery to remove the offending parathyroid.  There was just one problem, Jim was on Plavix.  He had to be cleared by his cardiologist and taken off of Plavix before he could have surgery.  So, back to the cardiologist we went.  He said that he could not clear him because he was sticking with protocol and keeping him on the blood thinner at least until the one year date after the stent was placed in his heart.  One cannot argue with the wisdom of this decision even though it seemed that the hyperparathyroidism was filling my husband's daily life with other health challenges that made it so difficult for him.

Early in the morning of the Monday after Thanksgiving, I noticed my husband seemed to have a drooping mouth when I looked at him for the first time that day.  Stunned by this, I had him go through the FAST test.  He could smile, he could raise his arms, his speech was normal, but I decided that I was not convinced that he was not having an incident.  I had him take his blood pressure. It was incredibly high.  Wasting no time, I insisted he let me drive him to the hospital.

At the hospital, after getting an EKG, and after not performing too well on an initial neurological exam, he was admitted to the hospital where he spent two days being evaluated for stroke or TIA.  A stroke was ruled out, but it was determined, as it usually is with TIA, that the results were inconclusive as to whether or not he suffered a TIA.  He was told he was extremely at risk for stroke, and he was watched very carefully for those two days in the hospital.  Needless to say, that was a very scary time.

On December 6, 2012, exactly one year after the heart incident, Jim was able to go off Plavix.  We contemplated having his surgery done on December 20th.  He even scheduled it for that date.  Then, we decided we did not need to have the additional stress that surgery brings just days before Christmas. I'm glad we made this decision, even though Jim continued to not feel well and suffered from high blood pressure and other symptoms.

Finally, last Thursday, January 17, Jim had surgery to remove at least one of the parathyroids that had tumors.  It was unclear whether or not he had tumors on more than one because the scan clearly showed one and hinted at another.  He came through surgery with flying colors.

The next day, it seemed like I had my man back.  He was downstairs at his desk working and talking with friends on the phone with his old personality and sense of humor back in place.  He wanted to get out and go.  We went shopping.  He had a new bounce in his step.

The next day, he was tired from surgery, and he most likely overdid a bit the day before.  Everyday has shown improvement.  Today, he went in and had an epidural/steroid shot in his hip to alleviate the pain in his hip from spinal stenosis.  That procedure also went extremely well.


Despite this bout with bad health and pain, that is hopefully behind him, I have continued to be amazed by this dear man I had the good fortune to marry.  Each day, he has spent time with his beloved dog Boston. Each day, he cares for this dog by feeding him, walking him, continuing to train him, and spending quality time with him just sitting on the back deck admiring the mountain range behind us.   Boston is his good buddy and loyal companion.

Each evening, you will find my dearly beloved sitting in front of the fireplace reading.  He loves  reading those thrillers.  He never fails to remark how much he love our new home and how happy he is that we made this move.

He wants to get back to the gym and start tearing up the elliptical machine again.  He wants to get back to walking every day.  He has started doing Pilates on the reformer.  Yes, my man is back!  I am so grateful.

Thoughts on Beginning a New Year

Mostly, on this day as I begin the new year, I am thinking how fortunate I am to be alive, well, and have a future before me.  In just the past few weeks, two women I knew quite well passed away from cancer.  One, I met when she first took a class from me as she hoped to teach English and English as a Second Language.  She also worked in the International Students Office at Colorado State University - Pueblo when I taught there in 2010.  She reached her goal of getting her English degree.  She was a great friend and support to so many in the International Program.  Cancer took her quickly when she was way too young.  

And then, the mother of one of my daugher Julie's best high school friends lost her battle with ovarian cancer day before yesterday.  She and her family moved to Pueblo when I first married Jim and also moved to Pueblo.  Her daughter and mine became such good friends.  When Julie died, it was SAS, along with other close friends who came to our home and helped us grieve well by remembering Julie.  Their laughter gave me hope.  

Now, this dear girl has lost her beautiful mother.  And, her mother was beautiful.  She was one of the most gracious women I have ever known.  I knew her as SAS's mom and as an educator.  There was something about her that was special.  She was soft spoken, but firm.  She was intelligent, competent, and hardworking.  She loved her students and her teachers.  Her elementary school was a Blue Ribbon School.  Her accomplishments were many, but it was her job as a mother that should have won awards.  She raised two of the most beautiful, thoughtful, kind, and accomplished young women I know.  She died way too young.  My heart breaks for all who worked closely with her and for her family.

I am humbled to think that I have the opportunity to begin a new year.  I do not take this for granted.  I hope to honor these two women  by carrying them in my heart as I endeavor live more fully each day that I am blessed with life and breath. 

I ponder this word as I move forward into 2013:

exordium \ ig-ZAWR-dee-uhm \  

noun

1.  The beginning of anything.2.  The introductory part of an oration, treatise, etc.
The word for today from dictionary.com seemed to strike a cord with me today.  The English teacher in me was awakened.  I thought deeply about just what this word means to me and why I chose it as the topic for a blog post on this the first day of 2013.
Perhaps blog posts that begin the year focusing on a word is a new tradition for me.  Last year, I focused on the word hitherto.(Click here to read that particular post.)  As I have gone back and read the blog post I wrote on January 1, 2012, I was struck by just how appropriate that word was for all the events that would follow throughout the year.  In fact, the very next day after I wrote this post, I fell down the stairs, hit my head, and began one of the great trials of my life as I dealt with the aftereffects of a head injury.  
In this post, I also referred to a scripture in the Bible where Samuel erected a stone to mark a place where the people could remember that up until this time, or hitherto, the Lord had helped them.  He called the stone Ebenezer or Stone of Help.  How many times have I touched that stone of help in the past year?  How many times did I need those reminders that up until this time, or hitherto the Lord has helped us?  I would posit that being able to remember this simple truth that I wrote about on January 1, 2012 is precisely what helped to carry me through the trials, challenges, fears, tears, and anxiety that would grip me through much of the year.
And so, here we are today, January 1, 2013, looking at the beginning of a new year.  I can only look behind me to know the journey I have been on.  I cannot predict the future, but I can walk confidently into it with great anticipation and hope.  That is exactly what I intend to do.
I find this word exordium the perfect word for a new year.  It is a simple word that means the beginning of anything.  Anything is a pronoun that is not specific.  Anything means that there are all kinds of possibilities and opportunities that could present themselves throughout this coming year.  For me personally, it means that I have a true new beginning. 
I am living in a new home, a new neighborhood, a new town, and that means I have lots and lots of new things to explore this year.  Just think, my year will be the year filled with new adventures, meeting new people, eating a new restaurants, and establishing new routines.  Truly, I am blessed in ways I could never imagined one year ago.
The word exordium deserves a closer look.  After all, I am retired English teacher.  If I were teaching this word for today, I would have the students look at its Latin roots.  As a former student of Latin, I would be very interested in the Latin root of this word which is ord which means "to begin."  The prefix -ex  is the part of the word that really intrigues me though because in this case it means "utterly."  Utterly, completely and without qualification,  to begin anything seems to be the best way to walk into a new year.
Beyond the thoughts that come to my mind concerning the first definition of exordium, I also gravitate toward this word and latch on to it because  the word can be applied to the definition of a portion of the construction of a document or a larger piece of work.  The word has expository and literary ties.  The synonyms of exordium include: preamble, prelude, prologue, and preface.  
I've promised myself that this will be the year that I write.  I hope to work more on the discipline of writing daily.  I hope to join a writing group.  I hope to begin work on a memoir, or perhaps a book about my daughter Julie.  I hope to read more blogs and write more blog posts.  
There are new patterns for my life that must be established.  There are benchmarks to meet.  There are goals that I hope to reach.  Dare I list them here?  Yes, I think I shall.  This will serve as a record.
New beginnings for 2013

• Eat a more healthy diet simply because my health demands it.  I am pre-diabetic.  My numbers are not good.  The diet must change.  I like whole fresh foods best.  Why don't I eat them?  This must change.
• Walk more.  I love to walk.  Do what I love.  Get out there and walk!
• Love more.  I love people.  I have isolated myself too much in the last few years.  This year get out there and mix with people again!
• Give more.  Give of myself and my finances to help those in need.  I am blessed with life experiences that can help others.  Serve those who need help!
• Renew my teaching certificate.  I don't want to see it expire.  
• Reconnect with my profession.  I miss the classroom.  Perhaps, I will venture back into teaching a bit this year too.  
• Write, write, write.  I have a story to tell.  Maybe others would like to read it.

Well, that is a beginning.  

Happy New Year to you all!

A Season of Comfort and Joy

Christmas

A Season of Comfort and Joy

This year it seemed that the Christmas Season was truly one that brought me great

comfort 

and

JOY.

The preparation for Christmas seemed a bit overwhelming at first.  We had not even unpacked all our moving boxes when yet Thanksgiving was upon us.  My daughter Amy visited us on Thanksgiving for a few days.  I told her she could not go home until she put my tree up, and so she did, and there it stood, naked, without a thing on it, for nearly three weeks.  

One day, miraculously, it seemed, the Christmas boxes full of decorations that filled the dining room were emptied, places were found for all the beloved Christmas decorations, the tree was decorated, and the house was ready for whatever the season had to offer.  In fact, when the last Christmas decoration box was put away, I realized that for the first time since we had moved in on October 22, all boxes on the top level of the house had been unpacked!  For the first time since we moved in, I saw the dining room floor, better known as the unpacking place, without one box on it.  This was our first Christmas miracle that brought great joy.

A highlight of the season,

an event always sure to bring 

great JOY

and

 much comfort,

was

the East High School Girls of '63 Christmas Party.

The EHS Girls
2012

I love these women!

Sometimes I can't even believe that we are all still together after all these years.

We continue to laugh, and giggle, and make jokes whenever we are together and the years just melt away.

Iris and I, shown together below, comment often on how much this group means to us as the years go by.  Here we are joking about the size of our antlers.

Some of the girls went to grade school together.  I was blessed to meet them all when I was fifteen years old.  When I look into the faces of these beautiful women, I don't see us as older women who have known each other for over fifty years.   I  see my girlhood friends each of whom has the same sparkle in her eyes that was there when we were teenagers.  Some things never change.

High school  friendships that deepen, and grow over the years are priceless.

There are few greater gifts than these rich relationships.

Family time during the holidays also provides great JOY.

I didn't always have a camera with me to capture the wonderful time I've had with family.  Moving to Colorado Springs has meant that I am now back in the same town as my siblings and cousins.  For years, some of the cousins have not lived in Colorado.  In the past year, three of us have moved back to our dear hometown.  My cousin, Diana hosted a wonderful get together at her home just before Christmas.  Having just married her wonderful husband Steve in May, this couple, still honeymooners, were wonderful hosts.  Thanks, Steve for bringing Diana back home to Colorado!

Somehow, I didn't get photos of our first dinner guests in our home.

My brother and his wife came over to share some homemade Snow Chili, cornbread, and great conversation on the Saturday before Christmas.

On Sunday, my daughter and her two children arrived.

Mason is on his way to becoming a great gift wrapper.

I can't talk his mom into wrapping my gifts anymore, but Mason was willing to do so, and he did an awesome job!  

Boston basked in all the love and affection that he received from Hannah.

Hannah, who really, really wants a dog, (so does Mason) spoiled Boston rotten.

He received many hugs, belly rubs, and enjoyed cuddle time with his best girlfriend.

Christmas Eve:  A Time to Celebrate the True Meaning of Christmas

I love this nativity that we purchased a few years ago.
I love that it includes five sheep.
I place the little lamp next to Mary and think of Julie.
I think of her as spending Christmas sitting at the feet of Jesus.

Amy, Mason, and I went to church early on Christmas Eve where we were to meet my sister Carol.
Carol's great surprise and great joy was discovered when she exited her car in the parking lot.
Her son, his wife, and her granddaughter had driven in from California and surprised her in the church parking lot.  We were also so excited to see them home for Christmas.

Sister Carol surrounded by son Erik,
and his wife Nancy and granddaughter Katie
at our home on Christmas Eve

I don't know when I have been to a more deeply moving Christmas Eve service.
Many in the congregation lost homes in the fire this past year.
The service, a beautiful, inspirational candlelight service, reminded us that as was prophesied  in Isaiah

The people who walked in darkness
Have seen a great light 


Having walked through many a dark day throughout the last few years,
I felt great healing as I sat next to some of those I love most with tears running down my face rejoicing in the birth of the One who came to bring Joy to the World.

After church, our unexpected guests came to the house for dinner.  Thankfully, I had more than enough food.  I was a little worried I wouldn't have enough homemade rolls.  I rationed those until everyone got at least one.  Everyone was impressed that I can still bake good, homemade rolls.  (I was a bit surprised they actually turned out.)



As I told my nephew Erik, it is good to know that when one fixes too much food guests are provided to eat it all!

Christmas Eve in our new kitchen!

Sister Carol with her handsome son
and beautiful granddaughter

Christmas Day

It was so much fun to have Amy and the children here for Christmas morning. 

Amy got a styling new hat!  Doesn't she look great?

The kids were so excited over their gifts.

Hannah got her longed for Uggs.  She looks so grown up in them!

After a brunch of more good food, the kids were off to spend the afternoon with their father.

I discoverd Boston in his bed shortly after they left.

Was he worn out, or was he sad to leave them leave?  I think it was a bit of both.

I took some time to practice using my new camera that my wonderful hubby surprised me with.

Isn't it just beautiful?

I love it.

It is my favorite color!

Then we welcomed the next round of guests who stopped by for a short visit.

Jim's daughter Trinette and her family
Christmas 2012

They were followed by the next guests.

Jim's daughter Thia and her family
Christmas 2012

And so, this is how we celebrated the first Christmas in our new home.

It was a white Christmas.

It was sunny and bright.

And it was filled with great JOY.