Monday, December 17, 2012

I'm Thinking of The Mothers...

I hesitate to write anything about the that terrible event that took place on Friday, December 14, in Connecticut.  What can I add to what has already been said?  Does it matter that I want to tell you that my heart is broken over the loss of those beautiful children who died in an unspeakable way?  Does it matter that my heart is broken that members of my profession died caring for students entrusted to their care?

No, my words of shock, heartbreak, disbelief, and sorrow really do not need to be added to all the other words that have been written in the public forum about this tragedy.  And yet, I must write because my voice needs to be raised so that all those who have suffered because of a senseless act of violence will know that they are not alone.

As a mother...
My heart is broken for those mothers who lost a child on day that most likely seemed like any other day.  I know those mothers never dreamed they would not see their children at the end of the day.  I know the shock that comes when you hear the words that we fear most in life, those words that announce that our child is dead.  I know that shock.  I know that heartbreak.  I have suffered hearing that news, but I did not have to hear that my child, an innocent six or seven year old, was brutally murdered.  I did not have to suffer that.  That, I cannot imagine.

If I could speak to these mothers, I would say...
Your heart will heal, but you will have a broken heart the rest of your life.  This broken heart will ache because you will never again look into those eyes that brought you so much joy.  You will never again hold that dear child again, and you will always ache to do so.  I hope that despite this ache, this pain, this sorrow, and this feeling that life just can't go on, you will find the resilience and the hope and courage to heal.

To the mothers of all those who lost a child at Sandy Hook, I would say...
You are now a member of a club none of us ever wanted to join.  All of us who have lost children hold you in our prayers.  We know of your pain.  We share your pain.  You are truly not alone.  You will heal best if you gather all the support around you that you can.  Grieving is a solitary action in many ways, but it is also one that also requires much support from others.

I was told by a doctor that I should not be afraid of letting go of my child for fear of forgetting her.  I don't know if that was good advice or not.  I only know that she lives on in my memory.  I remember clearly her eyes, her hands, her hair, her smell.  I remember her voice.  I remember.  I will not forget, nor will you.  She lives in my heart, the heart that is broken, the heart that is healing.

To all the parents who lost children at Sandy Hook, I would say...
There are no words to convey my sorrow.  There are no words that can begin to convey the pain that I feel for you as I think of you walking down that path that is in front of you.  I know there will be so many legal details for you to deal with.  That will be hard.  I know there are so many questions that will never be answered.  My prayer is that you will be strong, and that you will weep, but that in that weeping you will find healing.

On the first Sunday of December, The Compassionate Friends Worldwide holds a candle lighting ceremony to remember all  children who have died.  This year, I lit a candle for my daughter Julie.  Next year, I will also remember all of the beautiful children from Sandy Hook Elementary.  Please click on the link below to hear a beautiful song of remembrance for all those whose children died too soon.


http://youtu.be/N1TDZWr_j_I

27 comments:

thisisme said...

Beautiful, touching words from you, Sally. My heart aches with you. There are no words - all I can say is God bless you and hold you in His loving arms.
Take care my friend x

Arkansas Patti said...

A beautiful expression of the pain so many are feeling. For those families, the world as they knew it did end. I just hope they get some strength from all the outpouring of love.
Wonderful post.

Jeanie said...

To my mind these words from your unique perspective are important. You have shared your sorrow and compassion in a very heartfelt way. I pray that your heart will continue to heal.

DJan said...

This is a very poignant and heartfelt post, Sally. I join you in what you have said to those mothers. It truly is a club you never wanted to join, but here we are. Blessings to you and yours. I'm so glad I have had a chance to meet you in person.

Rose said...

Beautifully said, Sally. I have been heartsick since Friday. I only hope that the parents and families of these innocent victims know that the nation is grieving, too, and that their precious ones will never be forgotten.

Linda Myers said...

Oh, Sally.

Betsy Adams said...

Hi Sally, Beautifully written (as usual--when it comes to your thoughts)... I can feel your own pain when thinking about those mothers in Connecticut... May God Bless all of them --and YOU --and anyone else who has lost a child... God Bless.

Hugs,
Betsy

Jackie said...

I'm glad you wrote, Sally.
Thank you for this.
I know that your heart is broken.
I wish I could give you a hug.
Love,
Jackie

rosaria williams said...

Sally, I'm holding hands with you. You reached out to me, and lit a candle by which I could see through all the dark. I thank you for what you did; for the words you found; for the generous spirit that produced those words. That's what we can do, hold hands and cry together.

Tom Sightings said...

Thank you for the heartfelt post. I'm a a loss to say any more.

Jean said...

Such a beautiful, sensitive post, Sally. Thank you for saying what so many of us wish we could say as well.

Kathleen McCoy said...

Oh, Sally. As ever, my heart goes out to you and also to those parents who have lost their little children in Newton. This post is so painful and so beautiful and so supportive of all who have had the loss that parents fear most. May your words comfort and soothe all who are heartbroken and, like you, will always be.

Joyce said...

I will be praying for you today as well.

troutbirder said...

And the fathers. My own horror and rage turned my blogs into a forum on the issues and many comments most but not all that I supported. Then action emails and money to appropriate politicians and organization. This time we will not pass over this nor forget. And our own children and others as well.
Merry Christmas to you and yours, Sally....:)

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Sally, thank you for publishing this. The world doesn't need more inane words, or more hateful words, or more misguided words, but it can definitely use wise, knowing, loving, hopeful, healing words like yours.

Chatty Crone said...

Peace and love be with you all.

Sandi said...

Dear Sally, How well you put into words what I have been unable to do. As a member of that most horrific club, I can only say "thank you" for voicing what is in our hearts. As I sat with my counselor this week, sobbing, I came to realize that my own loss this year was overshadowed by my compassion and tears for the mothers (and fathers) in Sandy Hook.
Wrapping my arms around you in love . . .

Keicha said...

On Monday as I embraced the uncle of one of the six- year old girls killed at Sandy Hook, I was overcome with grief and compassion. I know what her family faces, the horrific loss, the questions with no answers, the broken hearts. But I also know they'll find the same kind of amazing love, support and compassion that our family did. They already are, as Ogden is festooned with pink ribbons in her honor.

Their hearts will remain forever broken, but they too will heal.

Joanne said...

Sally, your beautiful heartfelt words made me cry. My heart breaks for all these parents that have lost a child. This tragedy has brought our nation to its knees. Blessings and comfort, Joanne

Friko said...

The shock waves have reached us over here. Because you know what this loss feels like you have found the right words, when others must remain speechless or risk spouting platitudes.

Now comes the big questions: what to do about guns in everybody’s hands, even those who cannot be trusted with them.

Maggie May said...

You are right....... the mothers (and fathers) will always have a broken heart. It is not natural to have your children die before you. It is too awful for words.
I guess their pain and anguish is just beginning with Christmas coming up as well.
Maggie x

Nuts in May

Kay said...

This is such a beautiful, poignant post, Sally. Your words ring with even more understanding since you've experienced this pain of losing your child as well. This is such a terrible time for our country. However, if we can somehow keep pulling together to create some gun laws that would make it harder for this sort of thing to happen, those children would perhaps be smiling down on us.

Mage said...

Way too soon....but I wish you a happy holiday with your family.

Kay said...

This is just the hardest thing. My aunt lost her daughter (my youngest cousin) five years ago and she was only able to talk about it last week to me. I was so glad she could share her pain and anguish.... finally. And in talking about her, I think she gave me a little of Charlotte back too.

Jeanie said...

Sally, this is so very poignant, so eloquent, so perfectly stated. There is far deeper understanding here than many of us, myself included, could ever say because of your experience. I hold you in my heart, as I do the mothers of Sandy Hook and all mothers who have had an all-too-early farewell with a beloved child.

Deb Shucka said...

Amen.

LC said...

I am so thankful that your words, straight from that broken heart, are there for all members of that club of broken hearts.