I hesitate to write anything about the that terrible event that took place on Friday, December 14, in Connecticut. What can I add to what has already been said? Does it matter that I want to tell you that my heart is broken over the loss of those beautiful children who died in an unspeakable way? Does it matter that my heart is broken that members of my profession died caring for students entrusted to their care?
No, my words of shock, heartbreak, disbelief, and sorrow really do not need to be added to all the other words that have been written in the public forum about this tragedy. And yet, I must write because my voice needs to be raised so that all those who have suffered because of a senseless act of violence will know that they are not alone.
As a mother...
My heart is broken for those mothers who lost a child on day that most likely seemed like any other day. I know those mothers never dreamed they would not see their children at the end of the day. I know the shock that comes when you hear the words that we fear most in life, those words that announce that our child is dead. I know that shock. I know that heartbreak. I have suffered hearing that news, but I did not have to hear that my child, an innocent six or seven year old, was brutally murdered. I did not have to suffer that. That, I cannot imagine.
If I could speak to these mothers, I would say...
Your heart will heal, but you will have a broken heart the rest of your life. This broken heart will ache because you will never again look into those eyes that brought you so much joy. You will never again hold that dear child again, and you will always ache to do so. I hope that despite this ache, this pain, this sorrow, and this feeling that life just can't go on, you will find the resilience and the hope and courage to heal.
To the mothers of all those who lost a child at Sandy Hook, I would say...
You are now a member of a club none of us ever wanted to join. All of us who have lost children hold you in our prayers. We know of your pain. We share your pain. You are truly not alone. You will heal best if you gather all the support around you that you can. Grieving is a solitary action in many ways, but it is also one that also requires much support from others.
I was told by a doctor that I should not be afraid of letting go of my child for fear of forgetting her. I don't know if that was good advice or not. I only know that she lives on in my memory. I remember clearly her eyes, her hands, her hair, her smell. I remember her voice. I remember. I will not forget, nor will you. She lives in my heart, the heart that is broken, the heart that is healing.
To all the parents who lost children at Sandy Hook, I would say...
There are no words to convey my sorrow. There are no words that can begin to convey the pain that I feel for you as I think of you walking down that path that is in front of you. I know there will be so many legal details for you to deal with. That will be hard. I know there are so many questions that will never be answered. My prayer is that you will be strong, and that you will weep, but that in that weeping you will find healing.
On the first Sunday of December, The Compassionate Friends Worldwide holds a candle lighting ceremony to remember all children who have died. This year, I lit a candle for my daughter Julie. Next year, I will also remember all of the beautiful children from Sandy Hook Elementary. Please click on the link below to hear a beautiful song of remembrance for all those whose children died too soon.
http://youtu.be/N1TDZWr_j_I
