It began Thursday evening.
Already, everyone I encountered out in the marketplace was saying,
"Have a good weekend."
"And so it begins," I thought.
"Memorial Day Weekend is upon us again."
By Friday, I had a sort of mixed anxiety running through my mind.
I was excited to have
the long weekend
that has always signaled the beginning of summer.
I dreaded
the long weekend
that would forever mark the loss of my beloved daughter.
"You really hit us with a double whammy, Julie," I thought.
"We don't just have one anniversary date of your death.
We have the actual date of your death
to deal with,
and we have a holiday weekend, when your death occurred
to deal with."
When the greetings came,
"Have a good weekend,"
I simply composed myself and said, "Thank you."
I needed all the good wishes I could get.
Jim asked what I wanted to do for the weekend.
"I think the best plan is to keep busy," I replied.
On Friday,
we went flower shopping and got my small little garden planted.
This year my garden will be pots of flowers.
I supervised the removal of much rock, the roots of Russian sage that invaded the property, and planned in my mind how I would plant the new planting spaces being created around our new home.
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| Our new gate for the deck. |
On Saturday
we went to a matinee at wonderful old theater downtown to see "The Great Gatsby."
We loved it.
On Sunday,
We went to church.
The hymns for the day were just what I need to hear, sing, and ponder.
"ONLY GOD"
Only God can move a mountain;
Only God can calm a sea.
Only God can heal a wounded spirit...
"O LOVE THAT WILL NOT LET ME GO"
O joy that seekest me through pain, I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain, and feel the promise is not vain,
that morn shall tearless be.
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| A photo of Julie, Amy, and Me The painted rainbow rock that Julie painted for me when she was a child |
During communion, I was renewed in my spirit and thankful that my faith has sustained me through all of the days before and after Julie's death.
I am grateful for the great measure of grace that God has given me throughout all of my days.
After church, Jim and I took daughter Trinette and her husband to the airport.
It was wonderful to see this beautiful couple off to Florida for a small "honeymoon" after all these years of marriage. Trinette looked so young and beautiful and so excited.
We then went to the cemetery to leave flowers on Julie's grave, and on the grave of my father.
On Monday,
we went to the small little town of Monument just a few miles from our house.
Jim wanted to check out a coffee shop/cafe that was there.
Serrano's was great!
My sister met us there.
We had a wonderful lunch and visit.
We spent much of the weekend walking in our neighborhood,
sitting on the back deck,
socializing with neighbors,
and enjoying the beauty of the world that surrounds us.
Today,
May 29, 2013
marks the third anniversary of Julie's death.
I'm going to lunch with my dear friend, Linda Button.
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| Dr. Linda Button Sally Wessely presenting at CCIRA Conference 2013 |
Linda has been there for me as a friend, sounding board, encourager, and sustainer throughout these three long years. I treasure her friendship. It is unbelievable that we now live in the same town and attend the same church. I don't know what I'd done without friends like Linda these past three years.
I try to keep my memories of Julie alive and well.
I find that in my mind, Julie belongs to another realm now.
Without my wanting to, I've assigned her to another domain.
She seems to be a part of a life that no longer exists.
A part of me died when Julie did.
Does the death of a child ineluctably cause a part of a mother's heart to die?
There are days when the clouds fill the sky and threaten storms.
In those moments,
I am reminded
that the sunshine follows the storm,
that rainbows bring hope and symbolize promises,
that with each spring there is new growth.
I've not walled off that broken heart.
I'm allowing it to heal.
I am moving forward.
This weekend,
I focused on
living.
For those of you who wish to remember Julie
I'm adding two videos.
Watch them later in they are too real of reminders of that beautiful woman that we lost.
In Memory of Our Beloved Jules
April 8, 1976 - May 29, 2013
Julie & Mason
Mother's Day 2008
Julie & Hannah
Mother's Day 2008
