BRAINSTORM
Too many days of brainstorming on too many topics have left me in a fog.
I’m exhausted.
My body aches.
My body is in an inflammatory flare.
My brain truly is in a fog.
Thursday, I saw one of my doctors, actually my doctor’s physician assistant, as a follow-up for health problems I don’t want to even think about, let alone discuss. I showed her my latest blood work, and I still see her face as she stared at my inflammatory markers. Yes, if she had been an emoticon, she’d have been the one with the great big eyes. Then, she composed herself and said, “We must get you into one of our rheumatologists.” “We need some more blood work. We need another _______ study for _______.” I walked out of her office with a fistful of papers for medical testing.
I felt so grateful for her compassion and need to hear me and see me and for putting her best medical background to work to understand what is going on in my body. There is much hope that comes from finding a new partner in brainstorming about what is going on in my body. This body of mine that suffers from being attacked by autoimmune disease needs all the help it can get.
Brainstorming is where I live most days.
I deal with a rare form of hair loss called Frontal Fribrosing Alopecia, so I am always brainstorming on ways to minimize, live with, afford the fixes for this devastating and disfiguring disease that has robbed me of my hair, my identity, my health.
One autoimmune disease leads to another. It seems my body is out to acquire more than autoimmune diseases than it already has.
Brainstorming on ways to deal with health problems, healthier living, family problems, and life in general always seems to be going on around here.
Who has time or energy for brainstorming about writing?
I brainstorm on ways to cope.
I pray.
I read my Bible.
I journal.
I write “to do” lists.
I brainstorm until my brain says,
No more storms in the brain. Take a break.
Breaks are good.
The fog will lift.
The sun always comes through when one is in a storm, in a fog.
I will feel better.
I have to let the brainstorming go for a bit.
My brain needs a rest, so does my body.
Oh Sally... I'm so sorry for all you're going through. That is a LOT to cope with. I'm so glad you have a doctor who is doing everything she can to make sure she stays up with everything going on.
ReplyDeleteI didn't realize your alopecia was an autoimmune issue. And now you are being attacked on other fronts? Dear Sally, I hope your medical team can find you some relief.
ReplyDeleteHard stuff. Life with any disease causes great stress. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
ReplyDeleteSal;y I am so sorry to hear you are going through a very rough time with your health. I hope the doctor;s can help you more
ReplyDeleteRest, relax, treat yourself to something special.
ReplyDeleteSending you all good thoughts, Sally, that the tests are soon and that they reveal something that can be easily and comfortably addressed with a minimum of side effects. I feel for you. The stress level must be at the top of the chart. Please do your best to take it easy and be kind to yourself. Let others help care for you.
ReplyDeleteI hate that you're going through all this, Sally, but I think you're onto something with this post. One of my goals for the year is to stop overthinking everything and to start making space in my head -- space for my own creativity to assert itself, space for God's Holy Spirit to get a word in edgewise, space to breath and just be. I'm doing this with meditation, an exercise that more than not feels like a mental whack-a-mole game, but nonetheless, I think it is gradually helping me acknowledge all those thoughts and then release them like bubbles. I'm not that good at it, but it's helping.
ReplyDelete