A Room with a View

This has been my view since Saturday night. The view is great even if the location to obtain this view is not. I'm on the ninth floor of Penrose Hospital. I'm hoping I'm released before I finish writing this blog post. I spent my Mothers's Day here. I spent yesterday here. I've spent half of today here. I'm watching a storm roll over the mountain. After watching folks on the street below my window walk, jog, or bike in the sunshine while I was cooped up inside, I have little hope of feeling "sunshine on my shoulders" if or when I'm released today because rain in in the forecast.

I'm breaking a rule of advice my father always gave me by writing this blog post. "No one wants to hear about your maladies and surgeries," he'd say, but here I go writing of such things even after his advice.  For weeks, I've not blogged much, nor have I done much of anything, because I've been unwell. I've had more medical tests than I've been able to keep track off.

For years, I've had chronic problems with my esophagus and digestive track. After my ninth scope of my esophagus in January, I decided to get a second opinion from the GI doctors at National Jewish Health in Denver. I've been fortunate enough to be a patient at this prestigious hospital  for respiratory problems for the past seventeen years. My wonderful doctor at NJH, an outstanding doctor who has been treating me, caring for me, and listening to me at least once a year since 1996 referred me to their GI docs. Since my initial consult with the new doctor, I've had enough tests to make my head spin: CT scans, ultra sounds, MRI, colonoscopy, and there are more to come.  Unfortunately, I have more than one type of GI problems.

In the meantime, I've continued to have terrible upper right abdominal pain. On this past Saturday evening,  after two days of persistent pain, I had my husband take me to the ER. This was my fourth visit to the ER since Easter. This time, the lipase levels were up high enough to get the doctors' attention in the ER. Thankfully, the surgeon I had consulted just last week for the possible removal of my gall bladder was on duty at the ER. After reviewing my symptoms and my blood work, he determined I should be admitted to the hospital for monitoring, observation, and for further testing.

I was told I would have a HIDA scan  on Sunday.  So, I spent Mother's Day in the hospital waiting for this test.  This meant I had only fluids coming into my body via an IV.  So much for the nice brunch that my husband had made reservations for at the Fine Arts Center.  I was very disappointed, frustrated, and upset that I found myself in the hospital on this special day, but on the other hand, deep down inside, I knew I couldn't eat anything anyway.  Food has just not been agreeing with me.  It hasn't for weeks.  Finally, at about 4:00 in the afternoon on Mother's Day, the doctor, a hospitalist, met with me and told me the test would not happen until the next day. He said I could order anything I wanted from the hospital menu because they wanted to see if I got sick.  (That seems a bit sinister, doesn't it?)  I chose wisely and ate salmon and other low fat options.  Once I finished eating, I was told I would have nothing else to eat until after the test scheduled the next day  for "first thing in the morning."

In reality, I finally had the HIDA at about 1:00 in the afternoon.  The test showed that there wasn't enough criteria to prove the gall bladder was not functioning.  Even before the test, my GI doctor in Denver had told me that based on my symptoms and the MRI, she suspected I had a condition called Sphincter of Oddi.  After having the HIDA, even though the tests showed no remarkable signs of a non-functioning gall bladder, I became quite symptomatic.  My symptoms became worse after I ate my hospital sanctioned low fat dinner, the first meal I'd had on Monday.  By bedtime, I was given morphine for pain.

As predicted when I started the post, I was released to go home after the sun went away and the rain began to come down.  Before I was released, I was advised to talk to my GI doctor at National Jewish Health about having the test and procedure for Sphincter of Oddi done.  As I already knew, this procedure is only done at the University of Colorado hospital in Denver.  I called Dr. M at NJH and told her nurse what was going on. Within an hour, Dr. M was on the phone calling me.  She said, "I'm sending a text to Dr. S at the University Hospital to see you ASAP."  I told her a text sounded pretty impressive.  She laughed and said they were close colleagues and she was sure he would see me as soon as it could be arranged.  In the meantime, she said I was to meticulously follow a fat free diet and go immediately to the hospital for my lipase levels to be checked if my pain got worse.  She said she doesn't want me to get pancreatitis.  Believe me, neither do I.  The pain I've had is bad enough.

So, the testing continues.  I still have no answers, but I believe we are on the right track.  I am grateful that I was fortunate enough to have the wonderful doctors at National Jewish Health looking after my health.  I have never known a place that is more responsive to medical needs or more thorough  in checking for the cause for a problem.  They don't just treat the symptoms.

I am also very fortunate to have great medical care here in Colorado Springs.  The surgeon who was consulted on the gall bladder didn't just jump in and take it out.  He made sure all things were checked out.  My  GI doctors in Colorado Springs were on the case while I was in the hospital.  The PA that has cared for me for years popped in twice to check on me, consult with me, and do her part in getting to the bottom of this, while also bolstering my spirit.  She has always taken so much time with me, listened to me, and treated me with extraordinary care.  Just seeing her smiling face when she appeared at the door of the hospital room and walked to my bedside lifted my spirits.  I felt a friend had come to visit; she was not just someone from the medical profession.

In the meantime, I wait until I can get more answers when I go to the University of Colorado Hospital.  I will not be eating any hamburgers!  I will be meticulous about not eating fat.  I hope I can dodge the bullet when it comes to having anymore attacks before we get to the bottom of this.

One thing is for sure, I had a memorable Mother's Day.  Amazingly, I didn't feel sorry for myself.  I didn't let myself go there.  I felt loved and cared for by my wonderful husband.  I talked with each of my children.  I was visited by a step-daughter.  A pastor from my church came twice to visit and pray with me.  I was cared for by some wonderful nurses who gave up a Mother's Day with their families in order to care for those in the hospital.  And, I had a wonderful view of Pikes Peak in a room all to myself until late last night.

 I am going have my husband take me for that special brunch just as soon as I can eat again.  He's not getting off that easy.  I'll wear the beautiful amber necklace that he gave me for Mother's Day when I finally get to go to brunch.  Isn't it beautiful?

My Mother's Day gift from my hubby -
a beautiful amber necklace.

Unpredictable Seasons

In life

much is unknown.

I once thought I would navigate only smooth waters through life.

Now, why would a mountain girl think that she would sail through life?

I know nothing about the water.

I didn't grow up around it.

I know the mountains.

I know the seasons in Colorado.

I know that mountains can be tough to scale.

 I know that at any time a storm can blow in over the mountain bringing rain, sleet, and snow,

all in one day,

no matter what date is on the calendar.

Pikes Peak from Garden of the Gods
April 21, 2013

Early in my life, before I went to school, I would step outside to look at my beloved mountain,
this very mountain, Pikes Peak, that lived at the end of my street,
to see if I needed to wear a coat to school.
Silly me.
In the morning, I might have seen blue skies behind this peak,
and so I skipped off to school without a coat.
By afternoon, I walked home shivering in the snow I had not seen coming.

Living in the mountains makes you tough.
The air is rarified.
There is not as much of it up here in my neighborhood.
Living in the mountains has taught me that one is not in control of the seasons.

This season of my life has not been an easy one.
Certainly, I never could have expected that when I turned 65,

Celebrating my 65th Birthday

a day I had long looked forward to, (that was because I would no longer have to COBRA my insurance.), that my life would turn upside down just three months later when I lost my dear daughter.

Since that time,
I've needed all the lessons I ever learned in life to take me through this season of grief.
I've learned that grief, like the weather, is very unpredictable.
I've learned that it can make you question everything you ever believed about
life,
faith,
hope,
love,
and
God.

I've learned that you find out who your friends are.
And, I've found out that I have many.
From my friends, the true ones, the ones who have prayed for me,
walked with me, cried with me, and laughed with me,
I've learned what true
compassion,
kindness,
sympathy,
and mercy look like.

I've experienced the grace of God in ways I could never have known if I had not suffered such great loss.

Loss has taught me that
life is precious
and I hope to live it victoriously.

Loss has taught me that faith is the only thing that gets me through the day,
and the only way I will live victoriously is by faith.

I've learned that while there is life, there is hope, but mostly, I learned that
as Rick Warren recently Tweeted,
Optimism is psychological.
Hope is theological.

I've learned that love means a whole lot more than I ever thought it did.
I've learned that I love my children, all of them, more than life itself.

Keicha, Jon, Julie, Mom, Amy, Ryan
Jim's Retirement 2007

I've learned that I never would have made it through these last three years without the love of one person.  That person is the man I married.
He has carried me through it all.

The love of my life

This journey has take a toll on my dear husband,
but he is faithful,
and kind,
and loving.
Thankfully, he has his best friend, the other one besides me,
to one who never asks for anything,
the one who never gets bogged down by grief, loss, sadness, or illness,
to comfort him and bring a smile to his face.

Jim & Boston
His buddy and best friend

And so, in this season of life,
the one we thought would be filled with retirement dreams,
my dear husband and I are experiencing day by day struggles with illness, pain, all those other physical side effects of aging.

The seasons of life are unpredictable.
That is certain.
Since one can never really predict the weather, or the aches and pains of aging,
on good days,
we take off to enjoy the beauty of nature around us.

Jim & Boston walking in the Garden of the Gods

The skies are sometimes threatening, and cloudy, but that does not keep us home.
We are blessed to have such great beauty just several miles from our home.
We've learned that you can't wait for the perfect season, or the perfect day, one must enjoy each day as it comes and give thanks for it.

As a native born mountain girl,
I am taking the lessons I've learned about the seasons to heart.
Spring does not always come when the calendar says it should.
On the 30th of April, we had blue skies, and warm sunny weather for our walk in the neighborhood.

On May 1, I ventured out on the deck to take a photo of our bird bath covered in snow.

One just never knows what to expect from one day to the next with the weather in Colorado!

I am optimistic about the weather.  That is a psychological term that I am applying to the coming days.
I know we will soon have blue skies, and sunny, warm days.

I have hope for the future.
I know I can't predict the future any more than I can predict the weather.
But I have hope.
I have hope because I know who holds my future.
He is the very same One who has held me through all the seasons of my life. 

Boston

Boston,

A city I love,

was the scene of horrific tragedy today.

Boston,

a place where

my family roots run deep.

In 1676.

that is 337 years ago,

my ancestors came to Marblehead, Massachusetts.

The first ancestors in my family to live in this part of America over three hundred years ago. 

They walked the streets of Boston.

They were born, married, and died in places like Cambridge, Salem, and Boston.

Now,

the Boston area is where 

my youngest son, his wife, and my youngest grandson live.

Now,

my nephew, his wife, his daughter, and his son live in this area.

Everyday, my son, my nephew, my daughter-in-law 

travel by train into or through the city to go to work.

My nephew, an architect,  just designed the newly constructed

  Liberty Mutual Bridge in downtown Boston.

He was three blocks from the explosion when it happened.

I find it hard to wrap my head around what happened today.

Whenever I have the chance to visit Boston,

I begin to think it truly is the 

Hub of the Universe

 just as Oliver Wendell Holmes once said it was.

I love everything about the city.

I love the parks,

the historical landmarks,

Dunkin Donuts,

Fenway Park,

The Boston Red Sox,

the crowds,

the people,

Harvard,

the museums,

the art galleries,

the food.

If my grandson is with me, to guide the way, I can navigate the subway system.

I can find landmarks.

I know the train to take to my favorite places.

I know the train to take to get back to my son's home.

I have my favorite places, the ones I must always visit.

I have my favorite restaurants, delis, and bakeries.

I have so many happy memories of the times I have spent in this city visiting my son.

Duck Tour
Boston 2006

I finally made it to Boston in 2006 when my son Jonathan began work on his M.A. at 

Boston College.

Jon & Atticus
Boston College, 2006

At the same time, his wife Samantha was given a full ride to work on her PhD at 

Northeastern University.

Dr. Samantha Christiansen
Northeastern University,
Boston 2011

Whenever I am in Boston, I try to connect with my nephew and his family.

Mini Family Reunion
Quincy, MA
2008

Mini Family Reunion
Quincy, MA
2011

I am so proud of the the educational and professional achievements these young people have had while they have spent time in Boston.

I am grateful for the educational institutions that have educated my son, his wife, 

and my nephew and his wife.

This city,

the city of Boston,

has been good to them.

It truly seems impossible to believe that we are seeing and hearing of such horrific tragedy in this great city.

Those who run the Boston Marathon, 

are premier athletes.

We have many runners in our family.

I know of the determination, the courage, the training, and preparation that is required to run a marathon.

To think that dedicated, courageous runners were maimed today is heartbreaking.

My heart goes out to those innocent bystanders who were killed today, or suffered life changing injuries.

My prayers are with the family who lost an eight year old child.

My prayers are with all those who are in a state of shock because suddenly their lives were turned upside down.

Today, when I first heard the news of what had happened in Boston,

my first thought was of my family.

Were they all ok?

I was nearly sick with worry.

I then thought of the chaos that those involved would confront physically and emotionally.

Immediately, the words of Psalms 46: 1-2

came to mind.

God is our refuge and strength,

a very present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,

though the mountains be moved to the heart of the sea,

It is my prayer that those in distress will be comforted,

given courage and healing,

and that this act will not stop us all from joining each other in celebrating 

life,

liberty,

and the pursuit of happiness

in the public square.

I hope we can continue to celebrate all that this great city has to offer and do so in a manner that reflects the beliefs and values of those early Americans who established this city and the surrounding towns in the hope that their children and all those born in the generations to come would have a place of 

freedom,

opportunity, 

and safety.

Change, Structure and Blogging

I've never done well with change.  I like things to be the way I like them to be.  It seems I have a difficult time with change because creating structure for my life is extremely difficult for me.  Once I establish a system and create structure for my life, I feel less chaotic if I stick to to my system or structure.  I would like to say it is in my DNA not to conform to structure, but where would I be without the structure of my DNA?

As I write these words, I realize how conflicted I am over the roles that change and structure play in my life.   I need structure and hate change.  I love change and hate structure.  Deep down inside I have always resisted rules, structures, and schedules.  I feel very trapped if I am not free to do what I want to do when I want to do it.  My daily struggle involves one where I try not to do things as the spirit leads because if I only did things when I am inspired, a lot of things that need to be done would never get done.

If you read that previous rambling paragraph, you may be saying to yourself, "This girl is really confused.  Does she like change or not?  Does she like structure or not?"  My answer would be, "I truly am confused!  You've got that right.  I am a mess.  I love/hate structure.  I fight against structure because I feel it confines me.  I must have structure to do well.  Change scares me.  Change is exciting to me when I am in control of the change."  Can any of you relate?

As a teacher, I relied on structure in order to have good classroom management.  As a ninth grade English teacher, much of my task was to teach order and structure.  Much of my day consisted of teaching the structure of a sentence, a paragraph, an essay.  Other days, my focus in teaching was on teaching the structure of a story.  I loved teaching structure to my students.  I insisted that structure was evident in the way my classroom was maintained, and that it was evident in all writing assignments except for journals.

After retirement, I struggled most with structure.  I now longer lived by the bell.  I no longer had to stick to a lesson plan.  I was free to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.  Since I needed a hobby of sorts, and because I love to write, I took up blogging.  I had a slow start, but then, I found myself spending at least an hour a day blogging.  Blogging connected me to an entirely different life.  I soon found that a day just was not complete without visiting my blogging friends.


Since we moved in October, blogging has really taken a backseat in my life.  This is not because I don't love reading blogs and writing blog posts.  This is not because blogging is no longer important in my life.  It is because of change and a lack of structure in my life that blogging has been pushed to the back.  I so admire those of you who write blogs on a daily basis filled with photos, sayings, and family events.  Here it is a week after Easter and my camera full of photos taken on that day is still upstairs untouched. I have not downloaded the photos.  I have not written a blog post about our wonderful holiday, and now the news is a week old!

When we first moved, I couldn't even find my desk.  I didn't turn my computer on for days.  I didn't clear off a place for it on my desk and plug it in for weeks.  Then, I actually was unhappy with the location of my office space and my desk.  The room selected by me, and the only room suitable for such an area, is in the basement in what seems to me to be the most disconnected from life corner of the house.  Needing connection to life to write, I find I have a very difficult time even wanting to enter my office.

Realizing my dislike of my office space, I purchased a desk for the upstairs guest room.  This has caused me to feel a bit more connected to life and blogging, but so far, the location is still not totally working out for me.  I don't want to move my entire office upstairs, so I continue to feel disconnected to my space for writing.

Then, there is the lack of structure in my life these days.  Jim and I have really struggled with this.  We found that a new house means that life get lived a little differently.  The routine was disrupted when we moved.  We are beginning to adjust to our new environment, but it has taken us some time.  We have both dealt with multiple health issues in the past year.  These issues have not gone away since we moved.  These issues have also disrupted our routines in life.

At times, during the past five months, I've thought of giving up blogging since I just could not keep up with reading blogs, commenting, and writing my own posts.  I have not given up blogging, but my blogging life has certainly changed.  I hope to get some structure back when it comes to blogging.  I hope my blogging friends will bear with me.  Know that I think of you often, read your blogs as I can, and write when I finally am able to set the time aside to do so.

As I have thought about my future in blogging, I have been pondering adding a new blog.  This blog will remain, but I am exploring the idea of adding a second blog.  This seems like nearly a crazy thing to do since I can't keep up with this blog, but I hope to create a blog with a different theme and with more structure.  Again, don't give up on me as I explore this idea.  Stay tuned.

Potpourri

Many years ago, my father had a secretary who wrote a weekly column for the local newspaper.  Her column named "Potpourri" was a collection of happenings about town.  Some may have even seen her writings as gossip.  Others dreaded seeing her coming down the street because they were afraid they would be fodder for her next column.  We warned our father never to tell this secretary what we were doing in the family because we hated reading about our life events in the newspaper.  A teenager is sensitive about the entire town knowing when she had a slumber party.  I remember the time I came home from college and brought a girlfriend with me.  Sure enough, it was reported the next week in the newspaper.

I did always love the idea of the flexibility that such a title gave her column.  She could write about anything with a title like that.  So, today, I am remembering that red-headed secretary my father had so many years ago as I write about several topics in one post.

Potpourri for March

March in Colorado can be totally crazy.  If I had just kept an online journal of the weather this month, it would be one filled filled with extremes.  Yesterday, I wanted to get started with some plan for my garden this year.  I am totally overwhelmed when it comes to knowing what to plant and where I should plant it at my new house.  So far, I have no vision whatsoever when it comes to my landscape.  I only know that many of those things I love most will not be able to be planted because of the deer who roam so freely here.  

So, my hubby and I went to a local nursery to see what they might have that I could set out for Easter.  Really?  Easter?  Who sets anything out for Easter in Colorado?  I am hungry for some growth that I can see somewhere.  If I were in Pueblo, I would see my peonies emerging from the ground.  I would see the daffodils and the tulips breaking through the earth.  Here, since I didn't even plant daffodils, I have nothing popping up.  I thought I might by some pansies.  They would survive the spring snows I reasoned.  No pansies were purchased.  The deer love them.  So, what about primroses?  Yep, the deer love them.  Well, it is still early.  I didn't buy anything to plant.  I came home with a big spray bottle of Liquid Fence.  I'm going to try to keep the deer out of my pine tree at least!

Today, being as it is the first Saturday of Spring Break, the week we traditionally get the most snow of all, we did get snow and wind.  One might think it was nearly Christmas instead of nearly Easter.  I stepped outside to snap a photo of the doe trying to find something to eat on the lawn across the street.  Those who are observant will note that the trees are budding.  Yep, it is Springtime in the Rockies.

I spent a large part of the day in the kitchen.  I do love my new kitchen.  It is much more functional than my old kitchen.  Today, I made 15 bean soup and added the ham I had frozen from our Christmas ham.  Somehow, that seemed appropriate with the snow and all.  I then made homemade whole wheat rolls by using my Vitamix.  That was the first time I tried using the dry blade container that is used for grains and breads.  The rolls turned out quite well.  It sure was easy to do.  

Now, as I sit at my new desk in the guest room, I look out of my window to the blue sky that is filled with just a few clouds and think how blessed I am to be surrounded by such beauty.  The hillside just out my window is covered with snow and tall ponderosa pines.  Tomorrow the snow will be gone.  We are fortunate to have the moisture.  We need it so much.  

Last Sunday we were walking in the Garden of the Gods and soaking up the sun.  Oh, ok, it was spitting a bit of snow last Sunday, but the sun was shining brightly and it was mostly warm.  

As we walked, Jim decided to lean into a nearby fence to stretch out his back.  Immediately, Boston jumped right up beside him.  This dog keeps laughing.  We love him so much.  He never misses a beat. He is always right by Jim's side.  No one ever had a better buddy. 

The week has been full of activity.  Jim and I try to get to the 'Y' on a more regular basis.  We are both doing Pilates.  Jim works out on the elliptical machine while I walk the track.  I am so thrilled to be back at what was our old neighborhood 'Y' when my children were young.  I feel like I am back home again and find it so comforting to again work out at this particular 'Y' where my children spent many happy hours.  

As I write, I listen to music streaming though the Bose radio that is hooked up to Jim's old iTouch.  Music from Roger Williams Radio, provided by Pandora, reminds me of the good old days in the Sixties as I listen to old show tunes from those years gone by. We live in an amazing age.  

I must say that I am grateful for the technology we have today.  I love that I can text my family so easily.  I love that when I ask my daughter how much snow she got today, she texts me a picture of it!  I love that I can stay in touch with all of you out there in the blogosphere.   We've come a long ways from those days when my father's secretary tapped out her weekly column on an old upright typewriter.  Wouldn't she have loved writing her potpourri of news in a blog?  

So, there you have it.  March and its madness is nearly over.  I am looking forward to next weekend as a few of my children and grandchildren will gather here to celebrate Easter.  I hope it doesn't snow!  If it does, it won't be the first time it snowed on Easter.  If it does, it will remind us in a very bittersweet way of another Easter when it snowed.

Julie, Keicha, Amy
Mason, Hannah and Phoenix
A Snowy Easter

Takeaways

A recap of the gathering of my high school girlfriends:

As some of you who regularly read my blog know, my high school buddies and I gather every three months for a get together.  This time, I was the hostess.  It was the first real party at my new home.  I was so excited to have my girls properly "warm" my new home with their presence.  

Whenever we gather, we spend nearly entire Saturday together.  We have our routine.  The hostess selects the theme and prepares the main dish.  The others bring the rest of the food.  We begin to gather around 11:00 and start off by catching up with each other while we munch on the appetizers.  In the past, margaritas were prepared in a blender so we can toast each other and remember those of our group whom have passed on.  This time, Ginger made that job easier.  Why didn't someone think of bringing already prepared mixed drinks before?  

All we had to do this time was make the "virgin" drinks.  I got out my new Vitamix to make those "unleaded" drinks.  Since I didn't have on my glasses, I pushed the "hot soup" button instead of "frozen desserts."  Oh well, it all worked out.  Someone saved the day by catching my mistake and the virgin drinks were mixed correctly.  Toasts were made, and we remembered our dear classmates who are no longer with us.  

Now we could get on with the party.  Pam set up the staging area for our group photo.  We have to do that before we eat so we don't forget to take that all important photo for the scrapbook.  Also, we must take the photo while we still have our lipstick on! 

After the official photos are taken, it is time to get the food on the table and eat.

Pam cuts up the corned beef

We had plenty of wonderful food

Val serves up her green jello

When my husband and I were looking for our home, I had several criteria that I said must be met.  First of all, I wanted a kitchen where friends and family could gather around a kitchen table, and yet there would be room for those who are cooking to have room to cook.  This house fits that bill perfectly.

Next, I needed a formal dining room that was big enough for me to use when entertaining my high school girl friends.  That was a priority when it came to selecting the perfect house.  With each house I visited on the house hunt, I would ask myself, "Could I seat everyone in close proximity to each other for luncheon gatherings?"  Check that off the list.  This house works perfectly for that too.   

Takeaways from our time together

Takeaways definition from Dictionary.com:

"conclusions, impressions, or action points resulting from a meeting, discussion, roundtable or the like"

As a teacher, I often asked my students to record takeaways after a roundtable discussion about a book we were reading.  As a teacher, I often recorded my own takeaways after a conference I attended.  And so, as I reflected on the time I spent with my dear high school girlfriends this past week, it is no wonder that it seemed appropriate to record the takeaways I want to remember about not only this group, but also about our most recent gathering.  

• It takes a long time to grow an old friend.  ~ John Leonard  Friendships as deep and rich as those in this group do not happen overnight.  They were first formed when we were young girls, but they have been nurtured and treated with great care for decades.

• Of all the secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood the most divine was humor. ~ Rebecca Wells The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.  Carol showed up in her outrageous St. Patrick's Day hat.  I teased that she would get me kicked out of the HOA if she walked down the street in the hat.  One of the things we do best as a group is laugh.  We have many deep belly laughs when we are together.  Sometimes, my stomach will actually hurt from laughing so much when we are together.  It is just great to laugh with your girl friends.  What a blast we all still have.  

• A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.  ~Lois Wyse

Since our  70th birthdays are not that far down the road, we decided we should start to plan for a weekend get away to celebrate reaching that important milestone in life.  We will have sleepover of sorts by getting away to a bed and breakfast for the weekend.  I remember those sleepovers when we were 16 and 17.  I wonder if the guys will try to crash our 70th birthday party sleepover.  I doubt it.  One of the girls asked if we'd noticed how the guys in our class seem like old men.  

• I have a lot of fun.  If something isn't fun, I don't do it.  ~ Kathy Eisert Lautaret  Kathy, our Irish princess because she had the most Irish blood in her, said this when we were sharing our updates in our sharing circle after lunch.  I love her attitude.  This is definitely a takeaway I want to remember.  Fun, is must be a part of life.  I am trying to remember to incorporate a bit of it into my life everyday.  Thanks for the reminder Kathy.

• A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.  ~Donna Roberts

• I think about little girls going off to kindergarten holding hands to support each other and now as we face 70 we support each other– symbolically holding hands maybe. ~ Iris Clark  Iris sent out this sentiment via an email after the gathering.  In a nutshell, she summed up the beauty of the group.  We do hold each other in our hearts and by the hand.  We share our latest joys and challenges during our sharing time.  This time, Pam brought a timer.  We only had five minutes!  If we took longer we would be driving home in the dark. 

And so the greatest takeaway of all is: 

• Hold a true friend with both your hands.  ~Nigerian Proverb

I am richly blessed by these beautiful ladies.  I love each one of them so dearly.  What a treasure you all are.  

Life at Work

Today, I had the opportunity to watch the Today Show.  A panel on the news program discussed Sheryl Sandberg's new book, Lean In:  Women, Work, and the Will to Lead.  I've not read this book, and I don't know that I will read the book, but I found the discussion interesting.  I've been thinking a lot about those days when life at work was a major focus of my life.  I've thought about how I miss my profession.  I miss interacting with students.  I miss teaching.  I miss the discipline that my working life caused me to have when I faced deadlines and daily obligations.  I miss the creative side of my professional life.  I miss the relationships developed on the job.  Or do I?

Not every relationship one makes in the workplace is positive.  In fact, many of those relationships drag a person down and make it difficult to perform the job one is hired to do.  Have you ever experienced working in a dysfunctional workplace?  Have you ever worked for an unreasonable boss?  Have you ever suffered from office politics?  I think most of us have.

While going through boxes of files during our recent move, I came across this quote I had saved among my other profession papers.

"University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small."

I originally found this gem, printed in large font on a sheet of 8 X 10 paper, in an old file cabinet that I was cleaning out so I could claim the cabinet as my own soon after I had been hired at a University to write curriculum for a new program that was being developed.  At the time, I could not relate to the quote at all, but finding it interesting, I kept it.

I should have had a clue that I would soon learn how true this quote was when I had beg, borrow, and steal enough equipment to set up my office during the first week on the job, but, at the time,  I was still too enthralled with the idea of working at my dream job to honestly assess my situation.  I soon discovered that petty office politics exist even in the ivory tower.  Or, should I say especially in the ivory tower?  I'm not sure that statement would be true.  I only know that I saw the careers of many talented and gifted professionals hijacked by those with less talent who did not work as hard as those who were forced to leave or who left because they realized that if they stayed, their careers would stagnate, become less than fulfilling, and that they were stuck in a dead end street in their careers because office politics and petty ego wars were alive and well.

In the end, I retired before I was really ready, not because I did not accomplish what I was hired to do, but because the relationships I valued most with the professionals I most respected and admired,were no longer there in the workplace.  The professionals I worked with the closest all had left for greener pastures where they hoped their careers could again get back on track.  Thankfully, I had the luxury to make the decision to retire.  Many others do not have that luxury.

While I was working at the University, a dear colleague  and friend, a professor who got her degree in educational leadership at Harvard, listened sympathetically to my frustration one day at work.  As she spoke, she made a statement that struck me with its wisdom.  I said, "Wait a minute.  Repeat that so I can write down what you just said."  I wrote it down on a sticky note, put it in my top right drawer of my work desk, and referred to it often as I tried to navigate the professional minefield I found myself walking through.  Unfortunately, the quote has been lost.  I can't tell you what it said, but in essence, it was on how to successfully deal with a manager who does not know how to lead.

What does one do when one finds themselves in a work environment where egos are more important that job that needs to be done? How does one survive a workplace that is difficult?   If I had the answer to these questions and others like them, I could write a best seller.  I only know what worked for me.

1. Believe in yourself.  When I first started teaching, my confidence level in my ability to teach was very low.  I really wondered if I would know how to teach.  It all seemed so mysterious.  How does one make another person learn?  The answer to that question is, "No one can make another person learn."  I just needed to have the confidence to know that I was in charge of my own little sphere of the world, or in my case, the classroom.  I had the background knowledge to do the job I had to do.  I could not be timid.  I had to walk into that classroom believing in myself.  If I didn't believe in me, the students were not going to believe I was the real deal either.
2. Demand respect.  A teacher must demand respect or leave the profession because one cannot create successful classroom management if respect is not the first order of business.  I think it is the same in every other job or profession.  One will never be successful if one does not demand respect by behaving in a respectful manner.  I am appalled to see how disrespectfully people treat those they work with these days.  It seems civility has gone out the window.  Just because someone is your boss, that does not mean they can treat you with disrespect.
3. Show respect.  Even if one does not show you as a worker respect.  It is best to be the better person and show respect.  One can disagree with another on the job, but it should be done with respect.  
4. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.  As a woman who entered the workforce long before women were given any type of equal footing in the workplace, I have always encountered a lot of discrimination where I worked.  Thankfully, I was not always on the receiving end of this discrimination, but I saw plenty of it and experienced it more that I wish I had.  Sometimes, women treat each other the worst.  One must be assertive when the need arises.  I have at times risked my reputation, and my job, by being assertive.  When I see injustice, I must speak up.  If another person has no trouble "throwing me under the bus" in order to protect or advance themselves, I have no problem being assertive.  Remember, be bold, be assertive, but also show respect for yourself and those with whom you must interact.
5. Take care of yourself.  I love how we are reminded to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first when on an airplane.  As a mom, a wife, a daughter, a friend, I find it difficult to put myself first. The truth is, I am no good to others if I am filled with stress and anxiety because I am working too hard, or under too much stress, to take care of myself.  Leave the stress of work behind when you get home.  Don't let the boss or the job bother you at home.  Just before I started teaching, my professor and advisor gave me great advice.  "Get to work early and stay late, but don't bring your work home."  I know that many top corporate officials would disagree with me there, but I stand by the philosophy that all of us must be able to leave the job behind when we come home at night.  I've seen too many at the top burn out from not taking time to live life.  It's not all about the job.  
6. "Don't get down in the blender blades."  I love this quote from my dear friend Linda Button.  She advised that when I found myself in the mix of office politics to keep myself from getting down in blender blades.  One knows what happens to anything that gets down in those blades, the item gets chopped to pieces!  It is always best to not get in the mix in the first place if possible, but if it does happen that you find yourself involved in office drama and politics, exit as soon as possible from the mix.  Sometimes, the best thing to do at work is just to show up and work.  Keep out of the fray that is swirling around you.  
7. Keep your mouth shut.  Don't gossip.  Don't tell everyone around you about the rough time you are having at work, and don't talk about the ones you work with to others.  Especially, don't talk behind the bosses back!  That seems so simple.  It is not easy though.  I remember a lunch we once had where the old staff took new staff out to get better acquainted.  We drifted toward the topic of some of the things that the boss did to make life difficult.  The newest staff member went straight back to the boss and told her of the conversation.  She is the only one still working there. Enough said on that topic.  
8. "Get your work done one piece of paper at a time."  My father used to tell a story about a man who worked for him who said he just didn't know how he was going to get all his work done.  My father said, "By doing it one piece of paper at a time."  I remembered that story so many times in my working life.  I handled things one piece of paper at a time when I faced piles of papers to grade.  Beyond that advice, I think that one must be able to prioritize work and know how to focus on the task at hand.   
9. "Don't get your honey where you get your money."  This is a quote my husband is fond of using.  This too is good advice.  I also applied that advice when it came to making my closest social contacts in the work environment.  Sometimes, people who work together can become enmeshed outside of work.  This enmeshment never works in the work environment.  I have witnessed screaming matches between former best friends, who were professionals, who could not separate their failed relationship when it came to working together.  This is not a pretty sight.  It leads to low office moral for everyone, and no one really wins when intimacy occurs between two people in the workplace.  
10. Finally, don't become a victim of the pettiness that can and does occur in office politics.  Workplace bullying is a reality.  There is a debate over who first coined the quote about university politics that I attributed to Henry Kissinger.  Some say it first came from Woodrow Wilson when he was President of Princeton University.  I take comfort in knowing that either man had the experience it took to pen such a saying.  Obviously, they had either suffered from or witnessed vicious politics in the workplace.  Unfortunately, the stakes of losing out because of such political battles and attacks are not small.  Careers, paychecks, and lives are derailed when workplace bullying in any form occurs.  I found this wonderful resource on line that deals with workplace bullying.  Called the WBI Workplace Action Plan, I found the action plan the Workplace Bullying Institute has put together reasonable and valuable to anyone who is suffering from this all too common practice in today's workplace.

When one is being bullied at work, none of the advice on what I used in my career applies except for #1, #2, #4, and #5.  Believe in your.  Respect yourself.  Stand-up for yourself by taking the advice of the Workplace Bullying Institute.  Take care of yourself.  One's livelihood should be a force for good; it should never be the thing that contributes to us living an unhealthy life.  Unfortunately, many of us, at one time or another, has had to face these hard decisions in life.  I hope these ideas I written about today are helpful to others.  I know it helped me to just write them down.