Our Trip to Moab

This winter has been so hard for so many.

For me, it has been especially hard

mentally,

emotionally,

spiritually,

physically.

I think it was the endless sieges of ill health that assailed my body that caused me to think that those days when the mind, soul, and body are renewed and energized by warm weather and sunshine would never again occur.  

Several weeks ago, I bought three bouquets of tulips.

The snow swirled around my car in a blinding storm as I brought the flowers home.

Once home, 

dressed in my snow  boots, and my warmest down filled hooded parka, I carefully made my way across the street to deliver a bouquet of tulips to my neighbor who had been housebound for weeks.  

Independent, a lover of dogs and of flowers,

this neighbor had slipped in the middle of a city street and broken several ribs.

The injury had left her unable to do much of anything.

I knew she needed flowers as much as I did.  

Once home, I arranged a few bouquets to brighten my own home.
Outside the kitchen window, the trees covered with snow provided a beautiful backdrop for the tulips and for the springtime flowers sent to me by my son for my birthday.

With flowers such as these in the house, spring could not be far away, I told myself.

The snow from this storm quickly melted.

But the earth near our home did not give me any indication that spring was coming.

I needed greenery.

I needed to see some yellow daffodils,

or some yellow forsythia.

I needed to feel the sunshine.
I needed a change of scenery.

Months ago,
my daughter had wanted to run a half marathon to celebrate a milestone birthday.
Most of my children and all of Jim's decided they would run with her.
Unfortunately,
life got in way for her, and she could not run,
nor could my other children because of injuries from training.
Jim's daughter's and his son-in-law trained all through the
long,
cold,
wet,
and windy
winter.
We wanted to make sure we supported their efforts,
so last week my husband and I left our home and headed to Moab, Utah.

As we drove over the high mountain passes where snow was piled higher on the sides of the road than I remember seeing  it in a long time, I began to wonder what the coming of spring would mean to the high country.
With all that snow, I worried about the danger of flooding as it melted.
Not even believing that I was expressing the sentiments I felt in my heart, I said to my husband,
"I hope we have a cool spring without any early warm days."
My head and heart knew that it would be best for all if we did not see a rapid melt of all that snow.
Still, I longed for a sign of spring.

Once we were on the Western Slope of Colorado, green began to appear.
I'd hoped my mother's daffodils would be blooming as a way of greeting me to her home.
We were a few days too early for that, but one bud had a slight yellow tip.
"There is that sign of spring I needed," I thought as I walked to my mother's front door.

We only spent one night at my mother's home.
The next day, following her suggestion, we traveled Highway 128 to Moab, Utah. (click on the link to see more about this highway and see photos of it.)
We stopped along the side of the road for a moment because my husband got a phone call.
With spotty cell phone coverage, he decided to stop and take the call where he had a good signal.
This provided the perfect opportunity for me to stretch my legs, and so I stepped outside the car and took a photo of the desolate land before us.

At this point in the journey, my husband, who had never been to Moab, or traveled this route, probably wondered why I had said this would be a beautiful, scenic route to take.
If you look at the base of the mountains, you will see the mesa like landscape that are the magnificent rock formations that are near Moab, Utah.

When we came to the place where the road crossed the Colorado River,
we saw the remains of the old Dewey's Bridge spanning the river.
I asked my husband to park the car in the Dewey's Bridge Campground.
This is the view of the rocks that are on the other side of the river from the river.
I had to get out and walk now that we were in a beautiful setting.
Just look at that sky.  What a beautiful day it was.

  As we approached the bridge, I couldn't help but think how great it felt to again be out walking in air that was warm on ground that was beginning to show signs of spring.

Built in 1916, the Dewey's Bridge has a wonderful history.
The wooden plank single lane bridge was the longest suspension bridge west of the Mississippi River when it was built.
It held many memories for travelers to this part of the country before it was burned down in 2008 by child playing with matches.

Photo from internet

One can only imagine how intriguing it must have been to cross this once great bridge.

Cow now graze under where the planks of the bridge were supported by this suspension system.
(Do you see the black cows just right of center towards the bottom of the bridge?)

Jim took my photograph near the bridge site. Can you see how happy I am to be out in the warm sunshine?

This part of Utah is so beautiful and unique.  If you ever get a chance to travel Route 128, take it.
I didn't take many photos, but here are a few.

Moab, Utah is a destination place for bikers and hikers.
It is also the setting for the Moab Canyonlands Half Marathon which is held every spring.
As we drove closer and closer to Moab, we began to sense the great excitement that others who had been training all winter must be experiencing.
All along the river, camps where very hearty runners would spend the night before the big race were being set up.
I can't imagine sleeping on the ground in a tent before running a half marathon the next day.
Can you?

It was quite easy to determine where the race would begin.

Porta pottys were being set up to serve the hundred of runners who would be transported by bus to this area the next morning from Moab.  From this starting place, the runners would run 13.5 miles on Highway 128 along the Colorado River back to Moab, Utah.

I can only imagine how exhilarating this race must be.

Once we got to Moab, I thought I might try to pick up the race packets for my children even though they weren't going to be able to run the race.
They had paid the registration fee, and I thought they might want the cool shirt that was in the packet.
That way they could wear the shirt and pretend they ran even when they didn't.
Seriously, the shirts were very nice, and one can always use another shirt to run in.
I was able to pick up four packets for each of my four runners that did not make it.
I took the four energy bars that were inside as payment for picking up the packets.

I could not believe how good I felt in Moab.
The altitude of a little over 4,000 feet meant that I could sleep without oxygen.
I could walk and not suffer from tachycardia.
The sunshine helped to lift my mood.
It seemed we had truly left winter behind.

We spent the night a large rented house with the family members that had actually showed up to run.
(My children really did have good reasons why they couldn't run, I just wish they could have made it.)
Jim's two daughters and their families were there with us.
Jim's oldest grandson and his fiancé also stayed with us.
It was great to meet our soon to be newest addition to the family.
Aren't they a cute couple?

We had eight adults and five children in the house.
Jim's daughters made a wonderful pasta dinner for us that night.
The next day was the big race.
More on that later.

Interesting Rock Formations in My Neighborhood

On a recent morning walk, I took some photos of some of the interesting rock formations near our home.  Since I was a child, my imagination has always been activated when I look at rock formations.  In Colorado, we certainly have a lot of famous rock formations.  The Kissing Camels in the Garden of the Gods come to mind.  Perhaps this is why I grew up naming the outcroppings that dot various parts of Colorado.  Last week, without really looking for anything in particular, I happened to see an interesting formation across the road from where we were walking.  Can you see what I saw?

Here is another shot of the same hillside.  Can you see the horse head?  It is a palomino (orange or gold) color, and is located in the center of the photo below.  (I only had my iPhone with me.  I will have to try to get a shot of this on another day.)

Just up the road, from the horse head, I found the perfect spot for a photo shoot.  Jim and Boston posed in front of this rock which is actually right on the corner of a block in the subdivision near where we live.  A house is right behind the rock.  I could probably fool you into thinking we were out in the mountains somewhere when this photo was taken.  

The area where we live has many of these outcroppings of rock.  Their unique shapes have fascinated me since childhood.  Some describe various rocks such as the rock below, as mushroom rocks.  I call this one a table top rock.  This particular rock is located about a block and half from our house on the hillside next to a public park.

Boston, usually on a leash, gets a bit of freedom in the park since no other people or dogs are around on the day we took our walk.  He soon found his favorite rock and perched himself upon it. 

Before long, he was off running into the play area of the park.  I walked along at a more leisurely pace and continued to study the rocks on the hillside.  Up on the top of the hillside, in the middle of the trees, I thought I saw a coyote.  Or was it a rock?  Can you see it?  The formation is near the center of the photo between the trees.  I really could not tell at first if I was seeing a live animal or a rock formation.  After moving my position a few times, I could clearly see it was a rock.  (I told you I have a vivid imagination.)

I have my favorite formations near my home.  This one is an outcropping at the end of my block.

Here is another shot of this rock.  I keep thinking that perhaps the grandchildren and I will walk up here and spread out a tablecloth and have lunch on the top of this rock someday.

One evening this past fall, I ran outside to try and capture a beautiful sunset.  I was too late to get the shot I wanted, but I thought this one was quite nice anyway.

As I leisurely walked home with my camera in hand, I notice a small herd of deer nearly hidden from my view as they grazed in hillside grass at dusk.  My shots of the deer were unsuccessful.  As I tried to get a shot of the animals, I noticed the sight below in my viewfinder.  I didn't notice this interesting nighttime scene with my naked eye.  Do you see that giant cat sitting next to the tree?  (Do you ever see things differently through the viewfinder of your camera?)
I am quite frustrated by blogger right now.  The photo I took at night of this formation is quite dark and spooky.  I can't seem to post it without blogger correcting the light on it.  Any ideas on why this happened?  My photo is very dark with black shadows.  This photo below is nothing like my original photo.

I'd hate to see this huge black cat on Halloween night.  I thought the figure was a bit scary looking.  

The next day, I went back to the same spot to get a photo of this same rock in daylight.  I think she, yes, this rock is a she, is a beautiful marmalade colored cat.  (Jeanie, of The Marmalade Gypsy, this rock is for you!) To the rest of you, this formation may look like a rock, but to me, she is the cat that protects the neighborhood.  

Here is a daytime shot of my two favorite rocks grouped together. 

  

You may think I live out in the woods.  The beauty of the place where I live is that the woods surround me.  I can be walking in the most beautiful peaceful surrounding within minutes of leaving my house.   After I gaze upon my beautiful rock table and cat rock at the end of my block, I can turnaround and head down the road toward home.  

This photo was taken last fall.  My home is the first one you see on the right.  The porch light is on.  The red truck bed is just to the right of my home.  This photo was taken one half block from the photo of the cat rock.  

I hope you enjoyed seeing some of the interesting sights in my neighborhood. 

No New Vices...

My birthday approaches.

It is tomorrow.

I will be entering my 70th year.

How can that be????

Birthdays always seem to call for reflection.

I haven't been in much of a reflective mood lately.

So,

I decided to make a quick inventory of the past year.

Quick.

It must be quick.

Now is not the time to write out a long reflection.

I'll save the long reflection for my journal.

I have no new vices to report.

I do have a few new devices.

I never saw these things coming. 

Wouldn't I always be young, healthy and full of energy?

Well, I guess not.

I never thought I'd get excited about new medical devices.

Today, my new One Touch VerioSync Blood Glucose Monitoring Device arrived,

just in time for my birthday.  

(Thank you, dear hubby for always keeping my medications, medical devices, and technology up to date.  He always takes care of these things for me.  He does a great job of it too.)

While the fact that I need a glucose monitoring device is definitely not cool,

the fact that very technologically advanced glucose monitors are available is cool.

The carrying case holds the standard items:

lancing device, lancets, test strips.

The monitor is set up to sync automatically to my iPhone.

Isn't that cool?

So, if I take a blood sample and test it on the monitor, the results go directly to an app on my phone.

The time and date of the test is automatically recorded.

I then can record if the reading was taken before or after a meal.

The results automatically show where the recording falls in the target range of glucose levels.

I also have a place to record daily carb intake and exercise.

The app can detect new patterns within a 14 day period if they occur.

It also keeps a 14 day log book.

I wondered what my dad would think of the device.

I know he would be upset that I am pre-diabetic, but I know he would be happy I am on top of it and monitoring my disease.

My goal is to beat it.

Exercise and diet are the key.

Then, there is my new device that I also never saw coming.

This is the black monster that lives in my walk-in closet:  the oxygen machine.

At night, I hook it up to send oxygen to my CPAP.

I've been on oxygen at night for three nights now.

While, I still doubt I really need the oxygen, I do feel better since I have been using it.

The holter monitor results do not even come close to matching the oximeter/pulsesock results, 

Since both the holter and the oximeter reports were collected at the same time, 

the holter monitor is the most reliable test.

It shows no alarming results.

The holter monitor test would not trigger a requirement for oxygen.

I saw the cardiac nurse today and was having symptoms while I was there.

I was very light headed and my heart was in tacycardia that would not resolve itself in a timely manner,

so 

I must see her again in two weeks,

then,

I see a new electrophysiologist in a few weeks after that.

We will get to the bottom of my all of this cardiac business.

Do all these medical devices come with age,

genetics, lifestyle choices?  

Who knows the answer to this.

I am not going to stress over the devices that help me have a better quality of life.

I am going to give thanks for them.

New devices around here are not the only news.

We also have a few new appliances.

Even though I really didn't want to spend money on new appliances, we really did need them.

The dishwasher no long worked, and it leaked.

I said I could wash a lot of dishes by hand rather than buy a new dishwasher.

My husband said we needed to check out a sale at Sears.

I did miss my brand new Bosch that I had to leave behind when we moved a year ago.

So, we went to Sears, and my husband bought me this:

A brand new Bosch dishwasher that has three shelves for loading dishes.

While we were looking at dishwashers, I was insisting we were not buying anything at all,

but after he bought the dishwasher, 

he bought these:

A brand new microwave and a new wall oven.

The wall oven can be set to bake the old fashioned way, or I can choose convection baking.

It is pretty nifty.

Yes, 

I did need a new microwave and a new oven.

The old ones didn't really work,

but I didn't want the expenditure.

Now, I am able to actually cook food that is done in the middle and not burned on the outside.

After buying all of this,

he wasn't done yet.

Within minutes, he had also bought this:

a new cooktop.

I really do like this.

The old cooktop could not be trusted.

I learned too many times that the simmer setting did not mean that the food would simmer.

It meant the food would not cook at all.

Some of the burners on the old cooktop did not work.

Now, I have this beautiful new cooktop.

The blue lights indicate that the burner controls are locked so they won't be accidentally turned on.

You know what all this means, don't you?

It means I have to cook.

That's ok.  I needed to learn to cook again.

I have no excuses now.

I also got a new sewing machine.

I bought this for myself a few months ago.

Recently, my old reliable, much used sewing machine would not work at all.

It was cheaper to buy a new one than to repair the old one.

I bought, on a whim, a Singer Curvy.

I've used it once to hem a pair of pajamas for my husband.

I wasn't sure it worked right, so I finally took the machine to my one free class yesterday.

Sure enough, it has some problems and is already in for repair.

Hmmm. not sure how this will all end.

As I write this post, I become aware that 

I do have a new vice.

It is also a new device.

It is my new iPad Mini with Retina display.

I've never been a fan of iPads.

My husband had one, and I never really liked it.

My husband wanted to either buy me a new Kindle Paperwhite or an iPad Mini for Christmas.

I've used a Kindle for reading for quite a few years now, but never liked to read non-fiction on it.

After much deliberation, I decided I would give the iPad Mini a try.

I LOVE IT.

Reading non-fiction on this device is great.

I can read historical fiction and link to Google for more information as I read if I so desire.

I can read the newspaper on it.

I can read magazines on it.

I can Facebook on it.

I can use it for email.

I just don't like to use it for blogging.

I must be honest.

This little device has  become my new vice.

Hey, I live in Colorado.

I could have begun smoking pot.

I have not done that, nor do I plan to do so.

That is another subject for another day.

This is the end of my quick birthday reflection.

This reflective piece was not very deep,

but it does give a quick glance into what has been going on around here lately.

A Trip Down South ~ Just What This Old Girl Needed

This has not been the best week.  Medical issues and medical tests continue to consume my days.  I had some more bad news from the doctor.  After a pulse oximeter test, it was determined I have to wear oxygen at night.  My doctor had ordered the oximeter test because of my continued light headedness and chest pain.  It just so happened that I was scheduled to wear the holter monitor at the same time as the oximeter test was taking place.   The results of the pulse oximeter were not good at all.  I won't go into details because it needs to be compared to the holter monitor results by my cardiologist before we will really know for sure what is going on.  My internist says the oxygen will help me, help my heart, but it is not the fix I may ultimately need.  Needless to say, I was discouraged, but decided until I have a better picture of what is going on, I would not completely freak out stay calm and wait for further test results.

I won't go into more details on my health, let's just say, the continual bad news was beginning to really get me down.  I told my husband last night that I don't know when I have been more discouraged.  The winter has just been too long and too hard this year.

After a down and depressing Friday, I was so glad to know I had a plan for today.  A month ago, a dear high school friend and I met for the first time to write together.  We'd talked of setting a date once a month to write together for over a year.  Finally, last month we actually met at a coffee shop and worked on our writing together for over several satisfying and happy hours.  Our time together was inspiring and gave me a renewed desire to write. Before we parted last month, we set our next writing date for today, February 22.

Since my friend IC lives forty miles south of here in my old stomping grounds of Pueblo, I decided to book a manicure and pedicure before our meeting time for writing.  My dear friend Kerri, has done my nails for years.  Since I've moved, I really have not found anyone to give me a manicure or a pedicure.  I've visited a few different places.  All were nice, but none were Kerri.  I missed her!  No one could replace her.  In fact, I'd stopped getting manicures and pedicures since we moved. (I wrote about Kerri in a blog post two years ago.  Click here to read about her.)

Before I left town, I dressed in some brighter, more springlike colors.  I'm tired of wearing black and brown and blue and red and all those winter colors!  I am ready for some color in my wardrobe again.  After dressing,  I threw together a bag for the day.  It contained:  my journal, my iPad mini, my yellow pad for writing ideas, my favorite pen, and my flip flops.  The flip flops came out when I arrived at Kerri's.  I'd need them after my pedicure.  As soon as I walked in the door, an old friend whom I usually meet at Kerri's because she gets her hair done on Saturdays was there.  We hugged and caught up on life.  I then hugged Kerri.  I then settled my feet into the waiting warm water.  Ahhh.  I was home again surrounded by my friends.  Do you remember that old song we learned in Girl Scouts?  Make new friends, but keep the old.  One is silver, and the other's gold.  It felt good to be back with my old friend.

I used to joke that Kerri was my therapist.  Now, I know that she probably knows and understands me as much as anyone does.  She's heard my deepest griefs, joys, dramas, and frustrations for at least ten years.  We've laughed, cried, and moaned, and groaned on a monthly basis about so much over the years.

As she massaged my feet and exfoliated my dry, cracked heels, I felt as it wasn't just dead skin that was being sloughed off of my winter and illness weary body.  I felt pampered, cared for, listened to, and renewed.  A coat of pink polish applied to my nails  added another lift to my spirit.  Two and a half hours later, I left Kerri's shop with a lighter step to my walk and with a much brighter outlook on life.  Thanks Kerri.  How I've missed you.

My feet are ready for spring.

The weather was absolutely beautiful forty miles south of here.  It was sunny and warm.  Already feeling like I'd been on a mini-vacation, I drove to my friend's house for lunch and writing time.  I was met at the door with a warm hug and the words, "You are a welcome sight for sore eyes."  I responded with, "You are a healing sight for a weary heart and soul."  From there, we proceeded to eat the wonderfully healthy lunch IC had prepared.  Chatting as we ate, we caught up on our news.

Then, it was down to work.  We started the writing session by our free write.  IC read great selection from the New Yorker written by Dave Berry.  We responded to the reading by writing for ten minutes.  It was so fun and interesting to see what each of us had written.

From there we shifted to talking about writing goals.  I love IC's great business minded approach to writing.  She is such a successful grant writer, and she is so successful at helping others begin new business ventures through her work with SCORE, so it was no surprise when she brought out the white board so we could use Venn diagrams to work out our personal writing goals.

I walked away from our time together with new clarity for my writing goals.  I was energized, and I was buoyed up by the positive feedback I was able to receive from her, and that I was able to give to her in return.  I felt like the teacher again.  I also felt like the student.  Heaven only knows that nothing builds passion in me more than being in a learning environment where I feel free to express and develop ideas.

Before I knew it, the afternoon was gone.  I'd left home early in the morning.  My day had been full.  I'd driven an hour south to where I'd been pampered,  reconnected with a primary relationship,  had lunch with a friend, and had time to write, to think, to plan.

As I left for my hour's drive home, for the life of me, I could not imagine why I had felt so used up and down the day before.  All I needed was a trip down south and a little a lot  of help from my friends to get myself back on track.  What a difference a day can make when it is filled with time with friends.  I think today was just what the doctor ordered.

I'm Ready for Some Changes

Last night at 1:30 a.m., I finally got up out of bed and moved to the guest room hoping that by doing so I would finally get some sleep.  The wind had howled for hours.  We had moved our outdoor grill close to the sliding glass door that leads to our deck from our bedroom because the night before, it had been blown clear across the deck.  The more sheltered place kept the grill in place, but it caused it to bang against the door.  Thankfully, Jim slept through it all.  It must have been the nighttime cough syrup that knocked him out.

The cold, windy, snowy weather has not been the only drag on our emotions lately.  We've been sick, both of us.  Jim, who never gets sick, has bronchitis.  He is in his tenth day of fighting this pesky virus. We are keeping Walgreens in business buying Mucinex, cough syrup, cough drops, and antibiotics.  Thankfully, my husband is feeling better today.  I've warned him that this stuff likes to hang around for quite a while.  The doctor told him to plan on three or four weeks before he is really over this.  By the way, we both had the flu shot.

I started my bout with the virus that has been making the rounds right after Thanksgiving.  It began with a sore throat, a headache, and a cough.  The week after Thanksgiving, I began experiencing terrible spasms in my trapezia muscle on my right side.  This was combined with a terrible headache.  The doctor gave me trigger point injections of lidocaine in the muscle from the base of the skull to the shoulder blade.  I also treated the pain muscle relaxants, very strong ibuprofen, with massage, and even was treated with acupuncture.  Something worked; I can't say which treatment was best.  I think it was the trigger point injections that worked the best.

Then, I got an ear infection.

Then, I had an injection for hip pain into my left hip.  Two days later, I had an allergic reaction to the shot.  These are rare, my doctor said, but I definitely had an allergic reaction.

Just after Christmas, I had a bad case of a stomach virus.

Then, the cough came back, and so did the sinus congestion.  Mucinex became my friend again.

Two weeks ago on a Saturday night, on one of the coldest nights on record, I had to have my poor husband take me to the emergency room because of severe upper right quadrant pain and severe nausea.  I have fought this pain off and on since April when I was in the hospital for three days.  We still have no answers on what is causing these attacks.  As my husband drove me to the hospital on this cold snowy night when neither man nor beast should have been out, the spasms of pain reminded me of trips to the hospital when I was in labor.  Yes, I think he hit every pot hole.

The hospital pumped me full of pain medication, anti-nausea medication, and took blood and urine samples, and I had yet another CT scan.  Nothing showed on the CT scan.  My lipase levels were in range.  I had a raging UTI (urinary track infection).  During the time I was being treated for nausea intravenously, I told them I really should not be given Zofran because it puts me at risk for having prolonged QT interval.  The nurse didn't accept what I was saying until I insisted she look up the warnings on the drug and my medical history.  Soon, she came in the room and switched me to a different anti-nausea.

After four hours, I was pronounced stable, given a doze of an antibiotic for the UTI and sent home with a prescription for more of the antibiotic.  The next day, I already was feeling quite lightheaded, dizzy, and not quite right.  I filled the prescription for Lexofloxacin anyway.  Since, my new policy is not to read the literature they give you with medications so I don't freak out, I didn't read the warnings.  Monday morning, I felt terrible.  I was in a very rapid heart rate pattern and light headed.  Once I felt better, I left the house for an appointment.  Half way there, I had to pull over because I was about to black out.  My pulse was 130.  I called my cardiologist who said I needed to get to a doctor immediately.  I was asked who had prescribe the Lexofloxacin.  It is known to cause prolonged QT interval.  Do they not look at your medical record in the emergency room?  Do they not listen when you tell them?

My husband came and picked me up and drove me to the doctor.  I was given an EKG and a new prescription and sent on my way.  A holter monitor was ordered.  As was a sleep study.

Now, I here I was struggling through upper right quadrant pain, nausea, heart arrhythmia, and reactions to a second antibiotic.  Oh, and I also had to get a mammogram, a scan of my thyroid, and more blood work.  The mammogram was normal.  Thank goodness.

A few days later, I am received a call from my doctor's office.  "Dr. C wants you in her office as soon as possible to discuss your blood work."  By now, my new doctor's office knows me quite well.  I go in for my consult.  The time before when I had been in to discuss my blood work and A1C levels, she had wanted to put me on insulin.  I cried and begged for six more months to get my numbers under control.  She gave me three months not six.  Now, with this visit, she is very concerned because my iron counts and vitamin B12 levels are getting worse instead of better.  We discussed a game plan.  I told her I had yet another battery of tests scheduled at National Jewish Hospital next week to see what is going on with my iron and my gall bladder/pancreas.

A few days later, my husband got sick.  Now we at least are going to the clinic for him instead of me.

This week, I have a second MRI and second MRI with contrast of my upper right quadrant.  I will also be seeing the cardiologist next week.  I am continuing the iron supplements and B12 supplements.  It appears I am over the UTI.  The heart is mostly settled down again.

So, dear blogging buddies, I've been through it lately.  I am ready for some changes.  I am doing water Pilates twice a week, sometimes three times a week.  I am doing Restorative Yoga at least once a week.  I am trying to walk two miles most days.  I am slowly trying to change my diet.  My doctor says I must try the anti-inflammatory diet.

We will get to the bottom of all this.  We will.  I am staying strong.  The week that I struggled because of the first antibiotic was the worst of it.  I refuse most medications for the reasons given above.  If there is a side effect, I usually get it.  Some of us are just wired that way.  My main goal is find out what is going on with the pain and nausea.  I really think it is the gall bladder.  My doctor is also leaning that way, but it seems it takes more tests before they will take it out.  I'm hanging in there.

Valentine's Day Reflections on Love and Loss

A Reflection on Love and Loss

So many words will be spoken about love today.

Some will be forgotten by tomorrow.

Flowers will be sent.

Candy will be received.

Cards will be picked out that the sender hopes will send just the right message.

Love is in the air,

or so it seems.

I would not describe myself as a romantic.

Generally, I don't read romance novels.

In fact, if the truth be told,  romance novels grate on my nerves.

I do love to read great love stories.

I like love stories that read like real life.

I like stories that tell how love survives no matter what life throws at it.
Or I like stories where the love may not survive,
but the person survives the loss of love and thrives after that loss.

I guess I'm too realistic to be a romantic.

I've learned real love outlasts dazzling romance.

When my husband and I married, 

I had a song sung at our wedding by Michael Card.  

The lyrics to the song are taken from the Song of Solomon.

"Arise, My Love"

I love the words of this song because they speak truth.

They speak of a love that honors the loved one.

The song speaks of seeking that the love one has for the other be sealed on the loved one's heart.

Set me like a seal on your heart,
For love is unyielding as the grave.
The flash of it is a jealous fire,
No flood can quench,
For love is as strong as death.

Even though we were "older when we married,
we had not idea what life would bring us when we married.
 No one does.

Jim and Sally 1992

Since those early days of marriage, we've aged.

We've been through good times, very good times.
We've been through rough times,  very rough times,

Today, more than twenty years after our marriage, I rejoice that I can say

My beloved is mine, and I am his.

Song of Solomon 2:16 NKJV

Jim and Sally 2013

Our's is a romantic story, but it is also a story of faithfulness in times of trial and loss.
It is about two people who deeply love and respect each other.
It is about two people who are as different from one another as any two can be.
It is a story about how differences between two people give strength to the relationship.
Where I am weak, he is strong.
And, the vice versa is also true.
Our's is a story of how the relationship between two people created a great team.
It is a story of deep companionship.
I have learned a lot about love from this man that I married.

Loss has also taught me much about love.
The biggest lesson of all is:

Love does not die.

As I look at this photo that Julie took of Phoenix on her last Valentine's Day on this earth,
I am overcome with grief in many ways.
(I also apologize to her siblings if this photo causes them too much pain when they see this.)
Certainly, I am so overwhelmed with a sense of loss today that tears have been silently falling from my eyes nearly all morning.
News that a friend of Julie's just learned of her death just sent all of us back into new waves of grief.

Grief is like that.
It assaults you, the griever, when you least need or want its presence in your life.
Today, my bereavement feels as fresh as newly fallen snow.
Bereavement ~ to be torn apart.

I mourn anew.
…mourning is the outward expression of grief.

So what am I to learn about love  on this day dedicated to love?

I've learned that I am shifting and moving to a new place.
I am moving from the relationship of the presence of my dearly loved daughter being in my daily life
to
the place where
I have a deeper relationship with the memory of her.

I see the photo above and I smile.
I remember an exchange with her about the photo and the heart that she claimed Phoenix drew for her in the snow.

I am learning that my love for her has only gotten stronger as time passes.

The loved one lives on in the heart of the one who loved him or her so deeply.
For me, my love for my daughter is always fresh and new.

Not all memories of her are happy.
Sometimes, the memories are filled with anger, pain, and deep sorrow.
Other memories make me laugh.
Some memories of her fill me with so much pride.
Memory honors the loved one best when it remembers them as they really were.

The memories of Julie are sharp at times, and blurred at other times.

I no longer focus on the death of my daughter as much I remember her life.
This is a healing place to be.

Silly picture of Julie making faces with Phoenix

I feel blessed because Julie was so deeply loved by so many.
She had so many friends.
They continue to love her.
The memory of her has not died.

Oh, how I wish she were still here making memories with us,
but, she is not.

She remains safely sealed with  love in my heart.
Love is stronger than death.

Love remains.

Katherine ~ by Anya Seton - A Book Review

This book will be added to my list of all time favorite books.  The story Katherine Swynford, the third wife of John of Gaunt, Duke of Lancaster, held me spellbound for days.  Historical fiction is one of my favorite genres.  I have read much of it, but I believe no one writes historical fiction better than Anya Seton.  I just recently discovered her writing.

Published in 1954, Katherine, tells the love story of Katherine Roet, later Lady Katherine Swynford,  and John of Gaunt.  I personally learned much about British history while reading this well researched book.  To classify this book as just a work of historical fiction does not do it justice.  It truly is a classic and sets a standard few reach when writing historical fiction.  This wonderful work of Anya Seton's is more, much, much, more than just a book of historical fiction.  Reading it is like it must have been to view the richly woven Avalon tapestry depicting King Arthur and his Queen that was said to  hang in the Duke's privy apartment of the Inner Ward of the once great and beautiful Savoy Castle.  Truly, the telling of this story is so intricately woven that  both the scope of the story and the smallest details work together to form beautiful, unforgettable word pictures in the mind of the reader. Noted small details blend together into the texture and design of the work to create a rich panorama of dramatic and everyday events that depict the life and times of these two figures from history.   At times it almost reads like a modern day love story written by Chaucer himself.

A young teenage Katherine Roet became known at court during the days of Edward III of England when her sister, Philippa Roet, served in the house of Queen Philippa.  Philippa Roet would later marry Geoffrey Chaucer.  Thus, Katherine was Chaucer's sister-in-law.

Katherine's personality and character captivated me.  An orphan, she once lived in a convent until she came to court.  It was here in the convent where the foundations for her strong moral character were established.  She would need these solid values as she faced great loss, and criticism, and danger.  She unhappily was forced into a marriage at a young age to Sir Hugh Swynford, described as an unattractive older man whom Katherine found repulsive.  After she bore three of Sir Swynford children, and after he subsequently died, she beame the mistress of the Duke of Lancaster.  She bore four children to the Duke during the years that they were lovers.  These children, the Beauforts, were later legitimized when she became the third wife of the Duke of Lancaster.

She was caught up in the Peasant's Revolt of in 1381 when the Duke's Savoy Palace, where she was residing, was sacked and burned.  It was at this time, that the two lovers separated.  Katherine went on a religious pilgrimage after the Peasant's Revolt, and after she left John of Gaunt.  It was then when she met Lady Julian of Norwich, a mystic.   After this encounter, she returned to Kettlethrope Hall in Lincolnshire, which she had inherited from her husband, Sir Hugh Swynford.

Katherine is a woman of strong character.  She is also a complex character as depicted by Seton. As I think of the narrative of book itself, and of Katherine, I am reminded of the how in many way's Katherine's story follows the path of Campbell's hero's journey.  I may be on shaky ground by making this comparison.  This book is not a myth. The main character of the story is a figure from history.  In my opinion, the narrative  takes Katherine through many of the stages found in Campbell's monomyth.  While she doesn't venture into the world of supernatural wonder, she certain does experience a profound turning point in her life when Savoy Castle is sacked, when she learns the truth of her husband's death, and when her mind and spirit are healed by Lady Julian at Norfolk.  After this encounter, she is freed from the pain of the past and is able to live a life that is far from court.  Upon her return to Kettlethorpe, she freed her serfs and eventually established a respectable status in Lincolnshire.

Near the end of John of Gaunt's life, in 1396, he married Katherine.  At this time, she became the Duchess of Lancaster.

I concur the reviews that call this book one of the best written love stories of all times.